Big Mouth Script Season 1 Episode 1.09

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Big Mouth (2017)

 episode script

season 1 - episode 9
"I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah"

Created by

Nick Kroll
Andrew Goldberg

Written by

Nick Kroll
Andrew Goldberg
Mark Levin
Jennifer Flackett
Kelly Galuska

Directed by

Mike L. Mayfield

Big Mouth logo

S01-Ep.09: "I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah"

Family blowups, secret liaisons and an unflattering dress make Jessi's bat mitzvah a night to remember.

TRANSCRIPTION

1
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,425
[television clicks on]

2
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,719
[announcer] The following is a paid
advertisement from Guy Bilzerian.

3
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,554
It is not approved
by the New York Bar Association.

4
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:16,016
I'm Guy Bilzerian,
attorney at law and family man.

5
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,184
But I will happily abandon my family

6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,854
to get you the divorce settlement
you deserve.

7
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,274
You might know me from my bench ads,
my three delinquent sons,

8
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,651
or my twice-institutionalized wife.

9
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,404
But I want you to know me
as your first line of defense

10
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,365
against bitch ex-wives
and asshole ex-husbands,

11
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,659
'cause I play both sides of the coin.

12
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,828
It's the law, not magic,

13
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:41,082
and anyone who does magic
is a disappointment to his father.

14
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:45,170
Call me today, because marriage is a sham
and love dies.

15
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,796
Let's bury the body together.

16
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,340
- Jay, keep rolling.
- [Jay] Dad-- oh, shit!

17
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:27,337
We know you threw a party while we were
at your father's cardiology conference.

18
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,506
We have half a mind
not to give you these T-shirts.

19
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,799
It was just a few people.

20
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,592
Jud, Leah, you're grounded
for three weeks.

21
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:36,805
- Three weeks? That's ridiculous.
- Make it four. I'm writing my manifesto.

22
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,557
- What a work ethic on this kid.
- Wait, do I not get punished?

23
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:43,478
Aww. Nicky, you're
my sweet little pumpkin.

24
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:46,064
- You're not responsible.
- Mom, I'm not a pumpkin.

25
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,233
- Well, you're my baby--
- I'm not a baby.

26
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,193
Besides, you can't be grounded.

27
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,237
You need to dance with me
at Jessi's bat mitzvah.

28
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,905
And save a dance for me, too.

29
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,407
Did you know that if you raise the roof,
when they do that,

30
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,868
then you can lower your arms
and it's hugging arms.

31
00:01:58,952 --> 00:01:59,786
[groans]

32
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,705
Kids, I'm sorry to be
the bearer of bad news,

33
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,792
but we've all discussed it,
and the parents agree

34
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,877
that neither of you are ready
to be in a relationship.

35
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,838
- What?
- But we are ready!

36
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,256
We just won't lie to you anymore.

37
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,675
And what about the mons pushing?

38
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,802
- What the hell's a mons?
- Oh, we don't need--

39
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:19,472
A mons push is a preamble
to sexual intercourse.

40
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,850
- Mom!
- Oh, God, our son is a deviant.

41
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,145
What'd you do to her, you pervert?
Corrupting this little girl.

42
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,605
Look at her, she's a child.

43
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,357
But she's six months older than me.

44
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,192
Know what they do to pedophiles
in the big house?

45
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,194
- Okay...
- Shank 'em in the shower

46
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,822
and turn their pee into wine.
That's what they do.

47
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,408
We just think the kids
need to stop seeing each other.

48
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,327
- Missy, let's go.
- I'm sorry.

49
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,830
- Goodbye, Andrew.
- Goodbye, Missy.

50
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,583
No! Missy!

51
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,253
Why don't you go outside, push that mons
of yours against the lawnmower?

52
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,590
- It's nighttime.
- Isn't that when you perverts go out?

53
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,844
I finally agree to let your dumbass
friends play Jessi's bat mitzvah

54
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,722
- and they back out at the last minute?
- Chill, Shannon.

55
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,141
You know what makes a woman
not want to chill, Greg?

56
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,059
Having a man tell her to chill.

57
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,811
I can't believe my mom.

58
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,481
She kisses some lady on the street,
now she's being mean to Dad?

59
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:14,235
That is fucked up, but who is the lady?

60
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,946
I don't know.
I never even thought about that.

61
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,865
The party is tomorrow!

62
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,450
We all know that, everyone knows that!

63
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,786
- Guys, stop yelling.
- Honey, we're not yelling. [chuckles]

64
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,665
We're discussing the logistics
for the best day of your life.

65
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,667
Best day of your life? Hah!

66
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,377
Your parents keep fighting,

67
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,464
you got a big ol' pimple
percolatin' on your forehead,

68
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,759
and crooked Shannon forced you
to buy that dress

69
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:40,678
- that makes your torso look boxy.
- You don't like the dress?

70
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,723
It doesn't work! It never worked!

71
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:47,185
I hate my life, and I hate my dress!

72
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,645
The dress looks great.

73
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,606
Just take a deep breath and relax.

74
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,776
You know what makes a person
not want to relax, Shannon?

75
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:57,320
- Nice turn.
- Shut up, Dad!

76
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,864
Burn the house to the ground!

77
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,825
Use the boxy dress as kindling.

78
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,828
It's so annoying.
She treats me like I'm a little kid.

79
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:10,041
You are a little kid.
I saw your dick, remember? [laughs]

80
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:14,087
- You guys could be prosecuted for that.
- Where, in ghost court?

81
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:18,091
Hey! Ghost Court, that's a good idea
for a TV show!

82
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,552
Nick, you got to contact my agent,
Jew Fishman.

83
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,304
He'll work out the details.

84
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,555
- [laughs]
- [knock on door]

85
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,309
Hi, sweetie.
Just wanted to say good night.

86
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,105
Actually, I don't really feel comfortable
kissing you on the lips anymore.

87
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,356
Is that okay?

88
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,025
Okay, sure. Yeah, of course.

89
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,529
Um, how about I just tuck you in,
kiddo, okay, and I'll be on my way?

90
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,824
You know, I actually think I got it.
Just gotta pull the blanket up a bit.

91
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,659
Okay, great, fantastic.

92
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,703
- So... good night, Nicky.
- Nick.

93
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,205
I think I'd like you
to call me Nick from now on.

94
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,123
Okay, Nick.

95
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,457
- Good night, Diane.
- Watch it.

96
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:53,876
[muffled sob]

97
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,297
What the hell did you just do
to your mama?

98
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,381
I'm setting some boundaries.

99
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,800
That woman loves you unconditionally.

100
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:04,804
When you were a baby, she made you
personalized tittie cocktails.

101
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,264
Are you talking about breast feeding?

102
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,850
Yecch! It's gross when you say it.

103
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,936
I'm getting older,
and I don't want to be babied anymore.

104
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:16,149
I drank my mommy's boobie juice
till I was 12 years old.

105
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:21,487
♪ And no woman ever measured up
To the love of my life ♪

106
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,614
♪ My mommy ♪

107
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,158
Huge breasts!

108
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,617
- [door shuts]
- [sobbing]

109
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,077
What's wrong, my love?

110
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,413
I feel like Nicky just broke up with me.

111
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,375
He doesn't want me to tuck him in anymore,
doesn't even want me to call him Nicky.

112
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,962
[sighs] Diane, we have to let
our baby bird leave the nest.

113
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:41,007
I know, but-- but when he's gone,

114
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,801
there will be no more babies
to take care of.

115
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,679
You can take care of me.
You want me to dress up like a baby?

116
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,848
You're such a weird perv sometimes.

117
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:51,601
Aww, you remember our vows, Mommy.

118
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,978
[crying]

119
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:55,855
[horn honks]

120
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:59,233
Oh, please, if you're so handicapped
maybe you shouldn't be driving!

121
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,485
[groans]

122
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:04,572
We are so square. We look like
a couple of Fig Newtons.

123
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:05,656
[knock on door]

124
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,241
- Hey, Jess.
- Hey, Cantor Dina.

125
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,953
Wow! Really good vibes in this room. Yes!

126
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,956
FYI, we're gonna begin the journey
in five minutes.

127
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,209
- Okay.
- Or as we say in the theater,

128
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,836
- "Thank you, five."
- Okay.

129
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,713
You have to say it back to me.

130
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,341
- Thank you, five?
- Shalom.

131
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,551
- Found you!
- [groans]

132
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,886
No. Why?

133
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,972
Listen, I know I'm not supposed to see
the bat before the mitzvah,

134
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,933
but ta-da-- oww!

135
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,851
Jesus, fuck!

136
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,355
- [groans] Please don't give me flowers.
- What? I can't help it.

137
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,856
I mean, look at you.

138
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:42,276
You're like a square, sexy box.

139
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,863
I just want to, like, take you to FedEx
and fill you full of packing peanuts.

140
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,826
Stop! I hate this dress.
My stupid mother made me get it.

141
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,702
Oh, yeah, moms are so stupid.

142
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,538
They're always passing out drunk
in the bath

143
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,915
instead of signing
your field trip permission slip.

144
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,334
Oh, Jay, that is real bleak.

145
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:01,420
Look, could we just cool it
with the romantic gestures, okay?

146
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:04,757
As you wish, my boxy Jewess.

147
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,469
Wha-- aah! Oh!

148
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,931
- Andrew, what are you doing?
- I missed you, Missy.

149
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,599
Yeah, I missed you, too.

150
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,977
Our parents are being crazy, right?

151
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,813
You want to be with me,
and I want to be with you.

152
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,982
What if we... What if we dated in secret?

153
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:24,235
Ohh. You mean like Fatima and Gustavo?

154
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,529
Yes, except, of course,
I won't be a horse.

155
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:29,323
Yeah, but you're hung like one.
Reveal your meat.

156
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,118
Wowzie-wow, forbidden lovers?

157
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,872
I can tell that I'm genuinely excited
because my back is really sweaty.

158
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,375
- Oh. Shall I dab it with my tallit?
- [chuckles]

159
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,960
Is that kosher?

160
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:45,131
I don't know, but I feel like
we're breaking all the rules today.

161
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,174
Ooh...

162
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:50,052
[Marty] Andrew, where are you? I'm done
fighting over the handicapped spot.

163
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,473
- I'll find you later, Fatima.
- [muffled scream]

164
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,892
Sorry, a lot of feelings. Ooh!

165
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,729
♪ We gather all together ♪

166
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:04,400
♪ The mothers and the fathers ♪
Uh-huh.

167
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,069
Hey, that singing rabbi up there,
does she look familiar?

168
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,448
That's the cantor.
She just does the "music."

169
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,826
- That's a whole job?
- Exactly. It's a scam!

170
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:18,080
- Like soap. Soap is lard.
- Marty, be quiet!

171
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:22,335
Ooh, I spoke to Greg. There will be
no scallops at this bat mitzvah.

172
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,921
Thank goodness. Last time,
we had to throw away your suit.

173
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,507
And my shoes. Don't forget my shoes.

174
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,342
They were like the spill tray.

175
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,054
Hey, does this church serve
those, uh, wafers?

176
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,848
- I didn't eat breakfast.
- Oh, you poor starving thing.

177
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,892
Let me see
what I've got in my purse here.

178
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,561
- Aw, thanks, Mrs. Birch.
- Here. Call me Diane.

179
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,605
Okay, Mommy.
[snarling and munching]

180
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,275
Psst! Hey, let's sneak off with Missy

181
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,529
while your dad is scratching
what appears to be a troll's foot.

182
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,240
- Hmm...
- [gasps]

183
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,825
So I'm Cantor Dina Reznick,

184
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:59,580
and I have had the distinct honor
of being Jessi's guide.

185
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,376
I don't know what it is,
but I do not like that woman.

186
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:06,420
And it's been a real simcha,
right, Jess?

187
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:10,258
She's the worst.
I hate how she "huchs" her words.

188
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,635
She should shut the fucch up.

189
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,387
- Hi.
- Hi.

190
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,682
- I can't believe we're alone.
- We can do whatever we want.

191
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,684
Do you boys need a yarmulke?

192
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,185
No, thank you, Mr. Fishman.

193
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,729
Come on, it's too dangerous out here.
Come with me.

194
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,982
Yeah, I'll take a yarmulke,
for my Jewish penis.

195
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,025
Thank you!

196
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,236
I use it to cover my bald spot.

197
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,281
And now, for the first aliyah,

198
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:36,409
I'd like to invite up
Jessi's beautiful mother Shannon

199
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:37,827
and her husband Greg.

200
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,914
[kissing and moaning]

201
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:45,293
Oh, uh... don't worry,
I won't mons push you this time.

202
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,878
You can mons push me all you want.

203
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,005
[chuckling]

204
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,882
- Look at her pawing at your mama.
- Seriously.

205
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,385
That's a very long hug.

206
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,013
[kissing]

207
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,974
Andrew, isn't that your jazz hat?

208
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:00,975
Huh.

209
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,936
[Nick] That's Jessi's mom.

210
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:05,563
Oh, God.

211
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,523
Oh, my God.

212
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,276
It's her.

213
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,111
Jessi... Jessi...

214
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,404
- Jessi.
- Huh?

215
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,656
So it's time for you
to read your Torah portion.

216
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,866
I... I...

217
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,285
- I can't do it.
- Yes, you can.

218
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:23,456
You are a woman now,
and this is what women do.

219
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:27,960
We suck up all the bullshit
that the world dumps up on us

220
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:31,797
and keep smiling through it all
in our boxy-ass dresses!

221
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,216
Amen.

222
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,137
Jessi, I loved it.
A few small thoughts--

223
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:41,474
You sang great.
The breath in here is-- it's terrible.

224
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,976
Jessi, mazel tov.
I have to tell you something.

225
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,770
That cantor lady, she--

226
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,938
She's the woman you saw
kissing my mom, isn't she?

227
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,732
Holy shit, she is!

228
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,151
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!

229
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,196
Barbara, I lost a sock in the pews again.

230
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,531
[airhorn sample blaring]

231
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,284
DJ Pendejo coming at you!

232
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,162
If you have any music requests,
come talk to me.

233
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,747
Do not write them down.

234
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:08,751
And make sure I can see your lips
because I am losing my hearing.

235
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,420
This is how you handled it, Greg?

236
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,839
Give me a break.
He said he'd do it for free.

237
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,716
Oh, I don't get paid by the school either.

238
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,804
I'm what's known in the business world
as, uh, a volunteer person.

239
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,139
Who the hell is Malala?

240
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,350
She's just this girl
who got shot in the face

241
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,352
'cause she read a book
and now she's super famous.

242
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,979
- Lucky Malala.
- That's what they call her.

243
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,900
Diane, I got you a glass of Pinot gris
with two ice cubes,

244
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,778
- just the way you like it.
- Wow. Thank you, Jay.

245
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,780
That is so sweet.

246
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,615
Jay, why are you bringing my mom drinks?

247
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,867
Because she rocks. Not that you care.

248
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,870
I watch how you treat her with all
the cameras I hid all over your house.

249
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,998
- It's fucked up, bro.
- Just stay away from her, okay?

250
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,085
And for the last time, get rid
of the cameras in my house.

251
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,546
Whatever, man.
At the end of the night,

252
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:56,090
we'll see who's seeing who get tucked in.

253
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,716
- Please.
- He's right.

254
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,302
You don't appreciate your mama.

255
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,304
Do you boys need a yarmulke?

256
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,808
Well, I'll be! It's Jew Fishman, my agent.

257
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,394
Jew, I want to pitch a show
to Merv Griffin.

258
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,646
It's called Ghost Court.
I could be the judge.

259
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:14,400
- Do you boys need a yarmulke?
- Jew's gone senile.

260
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:17,486
Jew, can you even remember the name
of my first single?

261
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,655
Do you boys need a yarmulke?

262
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:23,909
Oh, good, he still remembers
some things. [chuckles]

263
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:26,996
Scallops, sir?

264
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,998
Scallops, what are you doing here?

265
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:32,668
- Would you like one?
- Oh. That's a very complicated question.

266
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:35,421
Marty. It's us, Marty.

267
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,090
- Have a taste.
- You know you love our texture.

268
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,800
Stop that, please, all of you.

269
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,803
I'm married, for chrissakes,
and these are new shoes.

270
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,763
- Rockports...
- 9 1/2...

271
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:48,017
- Extra wide.
- Ooh, that's right.

272
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,604
Enough to keep eight packs of Rolaids in.
You know me so well.

273
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,940
Hey, why don't you meet us
at the dumpster after cocktail hour?

274
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,193
- You won't regret it.
- Ohh...

275
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:01,947
All right, round up the Jews
and make 'em walk in a line.

276
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:06,076
Choo-choo! Get on the train, Jews,
it's time to dance!

277
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,662
- [Hava Nagila playing]
- You can't hide from the party police.

278
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,707
That's right. I'm looking at you,
Anne Frank table.

279
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:15,461
Why am I oddly offended
we're not being rounded up as well?

280
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:16,962
I'm just here for the open bar.

281
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:21,050
This is great. Everyone thinks
we're just holding hands

282
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,719
when, really, we're holding hands.

283
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:27,723
- I never wanna let go of you.
- Never's a really long time.

284
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:30,976
- Not when I'm with you.
- Oh, I'm getting dizzy.

285
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,645
It's moving really fast, right?

286
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,648
It's a magical night.
Don't you agree, Connie?

287
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,400
Not now, Maury. I've got my hands full.

288
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,822
Look at her, flaunting her indiscretions
like a pair of diamond earrings.

289
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,282
[laughing]

290
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,451
Oh, I'm having so much fun!

291
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,286
Oh. That's nice, sweetie.

292
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,747
Everyone keeps saying
how much we look alike.

293
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,582
Mom, stop it, you're embarrassing me.

294
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:57,127
Nicky, it's the horah.
Everybody's dancing.

295
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,547
- You can join us if you like.
- I don't want to dance.

296
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,299
Well, then you don't have to.
Come on, honey.

297
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,554
Spoiler alert: it's time
to get Jessi on the chair

298
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,472
for the Jewish push-'em-up.

299
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,307
Wait, wait, no, please don't.

300
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,143
Aah!

301
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,479
Aaah!

302
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,607
- Huh?
- Open up, jellybean.

303
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,277
- Babe.
- Oh, come on.

304
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,196
Jessi, your parents
are very much in love.

305
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,781
You'll just have to get used to that.

306
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,199
Aaah!

307
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:30,202
Oh, babe, I was gonna watch
a Sublime documentary tonight.

308
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,956
It's just one client dinner, two hours,
and can you not...?

309
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:37,543
You got it. I'll just practice "Santeria"
some other time, then.

310
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,506
- My dad was a lemon.
- My dad was a purple.

311
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,216
Actually, your dad is a lemon.

312
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,801
- Okay, Shannon.
- Okay, Greg.

313
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,889
- [cheers and laughter]
- Put me down. Please put me down!

314
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,143
Mazel tov on your boxy dress!

315
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,060
[groans]

316
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,063
Hey, come on, no one's
in the photo booth.

317
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,315
[panting]

318
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,401
- I feel like I can't breathe.
- I know, me too.

319
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:05,738
No, really, I feel like maybe
we should go back to the people.

320
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,365
I'm seeing sparkles,
and my stomach is all swirly.

321
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,742
It-- it's so exciting.

322
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,995
I can already picture us
getting married and having children

323
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,998
and then they'll get married--
well, not to each other, to other people.

324
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,541
- Oh, life.
- Oh, Lordy.

325
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:21,170
The thing I'm trying to say is I...
I love you.

326
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,131
- What?
- [distorted] I love you...

327
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,928
[camera shutter whirring]

328
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,558
Sorry, got a little handsy
with Jessi's bubbie on the dance floor.

329
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,186
She's ten pounds of dynamite
in a five pound bag.

330
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,563
- What'd I miss?
- I told her I loved her.

331
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,066
Jessi's bubbie?
'Cause get in line, Larry.

332
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,610
No, I told Missy I loved her.

333
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,528
- Why?
- Because I do.

334
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,864
Who the fuck cares?
It's way too soon.

335
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,700
You might be right. [sobs] She barfed.

336
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,245
You idiot! She's a delicate orchid
who needs to be gently misted,

337
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,749
and you unleashed a fire hose
of Monster Energy drink on her.

338
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,960
Which is great for people
but not for orchids.

339
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,503
Take it from this monster.

340
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,047
Are you trying to get sponsored
by Monster Energy drink?

341
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,800
- Stay focused, Andrew. You fucked up.
- I know that.

342
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:11,387
Monster Energy,
brings out the monster in you.

343
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:15,349
Brings out the monster... Uh...
Let me just try this one more time here.

344
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:18,352
Brings out the monster in you!
Yeah, nailed it.

345
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,020
Get my agent. Where's Jew Fishman?

346
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,483
Mmm...

347
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,653
- What are you doing out here?
- Nothing. I'm doing nothing.

348
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,363
You know I love you, right, Barbara?

349
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,490
Love me? Ugh! Marty, don't be weird.

350
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,783
[sighs]

351
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:36,495
J is for Jessi, the girl everyone loves.

352
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:39,999
E is for everyone,
the people who love Jessi.

353
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:44,420
S is for slut.
It's what everyone says Jessi is.

354
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,797
- Lola!
- What?

355
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,590
[chuckling]

356
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,385
She's rubbing our faces in it,

357
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,596
just like she rubbed her face
in Cantor Dina's--

358
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:59,435
- Okay, okay.
- What? I was gonna say mons pubis.

359
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,645
Mom, I need to talk to you.

360
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,188
- What's wrong, Jessi Bear?
- Now.

361
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,609
- I know everything!
- What? What do you mean?

362
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,696
I know you're cheating on Daddy
with Cantor Dina.

363
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:14,283
Okay, Jessi,
let's just take a deep breath.

364
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,202
This whole time, you guys have been...?

365
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,872
What are you? You're, like, a lesbian now?

366
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,791
[stammers]

367
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,669
I don't know.
I'm still figuring things out.

368
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,463
But what about you and Daddy?

369
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,674
Your father and I have been struggling
for a long time.

370
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,343
Do you even... [sighs]
do you even love him anymore?

371
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,803
I don't know.

372
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,057
[coughing] Whoa.

373
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,559
That's heavy.

374
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:44,563
Now I can see the family's having
a particularly tense moment,

375
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:49,151
so it's the perfect time
for a speech from Mom and Dad!

376
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:51,820
- [clears throat]
- [mic feedback]

377
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,656
Jessi, you were so amazing today.

378
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,242
You really did Eleanor Roosevelt proud.

379
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,410
She did, didn't she?

380
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,412
Shannon, can I see the mic
for a second?

381
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:04,333
- Greg, we agreed I would speak.
- Oh, we agreed on a lot of stuff.

382
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,335
- Gimme, gimme! Just gimme.
- [soft feedback squeal]

383
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,463
- Don't worry, Daddy, I got two mics.
- Oh, Jesus.

384
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,841
Jesus? Not in this house of worship.
Am I right?

385
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,595
Honestly, am I right?
I-- I don't know the different ones.

386
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,847
[airhorn sample blaring]

387
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:22,726
Jellybean, wow.
You've grown up so fast.

388
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,939
It's like one of those Internet videos
where they take a picture every day.

389
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:29,191
A different picture every day,
you show them together real fast,

390
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,777
it looks like the guy, like,
grows a beard right in front of you.

391
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,196
- Greg.
- I remember when we brought you home.

392
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,448
We were so happy.

393
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,242
But things are so different now.

394
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,994
I mean, not necessarily worse, but, uh...

395
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,538
What are we talking about?
Yeah, they're worse.

396
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,665
[nervous chuckle] Right, Shannon?
You made it worse.

397
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,376
- Greg, please give me the mic.
- It's my turn to talk.

398
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,837
- Chill, Greg.
- Don't tell my dad to chill.

399
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,090
Yeah, shove it up your cantor ass,
Cantor Dina.

400
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,050
Greg, that is uncalled for.
401
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,678
Can everyone please
stop saying my name like that,

402
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:01,306
- like-- like I'm some kind of maniac?
- Then stop acting like one, Greg!

403
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,724
[woman] Oh, boy.

404
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,351
[airhorn sample blaring]

405
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,186
I may not know how to read,

406
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:10,399
but I do know how to read a room... Greg.

407
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:13,652
Now it's time to dance the Electric Slide.

408
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,112
[dance music playing]

409
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,698
Are we really gonna do
the Electric Slide right now?

410
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,159
I guess. It is a bat mitzvah.

411
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:27,541
♪ Love doesn't last forever
It will die and break your heart ♪

412
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:31,753
♪ And you can't have a sexual awakening
Without tearing lives apart ♪

413
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:36,550
♪ Take your mom for granted
And you'll lose her in due time ♪

414
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:42,347
♪ The only way to dull that pain
Is get stoned out of your mind ♪

415
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,432
♪ Whoo! ♪

416
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:47,019
♪ Life is a fucked up mess
Life is a fucked up mess ♪

417
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:52,191
♪ Life is a fucked up mess
Oh, it's a shitshow ♪

418
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:56,695
♪ Never share your feelings
Or life will kick you in the face ♪

419
00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:01,116
♪ Sometimes everything moves so fast
You throw up all over the place ♪

420
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,537
♪ Children grow up and abandon you
To die broken and alone ♪

421
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:11,126
♪ Scallops take you to paradise
But your asshole will atone ♪

422
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,252
♪ Whoo! ♪

423
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:16,632
- ♪ Life is a fucked up mess ♪
- ♪ People are horrible ♪

424
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:20,552
♪ Life is a fucked up mess
Oh, it's a shitshow ♪

425
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,388
- ♪ It's all just heartbreak and misery ♪
- ♪ Life is a fucked up mess ♪

426
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:26,225
- ♪ Life is a fucked up mess ♪
- ♪ No one is truly happy ♪

427
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,893
♪ Life is a fucked up mess ♪

428
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,646
♪ And it doesn't get any better
When you're dead ♪

429
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,522
[laughing]

430
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:35,108
[music playing]

431
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,571
Go, talk to your mama, Nick.

432
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,324
- You only get one mother.
- Jew Fishman?

433
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,786
The bad news is Jew passed away
during the horah.

434
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,580
The good news is
Ghost Court is back on!

435
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,916
We're gonna get Duke points
on the back end.

436
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,668
I'm happy for you guys. I'm...

437
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,419
I'm gonna go talk to my mom.

438
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,005
Jay, I need a minute with my mom.

439
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,841
- Is this guy bothering you, Diane?
- Not at all. This guy's my son.

440
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,719
That's right, and she's my mom.
I'm really lucky to have her.

441
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,972
She's a good mom. Take care of her, okay?

442
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,182
Okay, Jay, just get lost.

443
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,559
Mom, will you please dance with me?

444
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,812
- I would love to, Nick.
- You can call me Nicky.

445
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,855
- Okay, Nicky.
- All right, Diane.

446
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,024
Seriously, cut that shit out.

447
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,278
- What about me?
- Come here, son.

448
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,863
- I'll be your mom.
- This is nice.

449
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,033
You're wrong, Jay. It's dynamite.

450
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,417
- Ooh!
- We knew you'd come.

451
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,128
Why don't you slip us inside you?

452
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:39,881
Oh, my God! What am I doing?

453
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,550
I'm an angrily married man.

454
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,635
- Marty.
- You know you want us.

455
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,096
Damn it! There comes a time
in every man's life

456
00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:49,850
when he must choose between his wife
and guaranteed automatic diarrhea.

457
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:53,061
- It'll be our secret.
- No one has to know.

458
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,189
I would know, and so would my wife.

459
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:59,443
Because of the relentless fecal explosion.

460
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:03,655
- [grunts]
- [sobbing] Marty, what are you doing?

461
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:06,658
What? You've never seen
a hormone monster's Jewish penis

462
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,285
eat dumpster scallops?

463
00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:09,578
Get a life.

464
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,955
Give me Malala!

465
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:15,000
I will kick you in the pussy,
you stupid shit.

466
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,044
At least I still have a pussy.

467
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,421
Maury, we need to talk.

468
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,506
Oh, shit. This is bad.

469
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,717
- Hi, Andrew.
- Hi, Missy.

470
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,636
Listen, um, about what I said
in the photo booth,

471
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,180
let's just pretend it didn't happen.

472
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:31,183
Oh, but it did. We need to face it.

473
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,351
Andrew, you're like sugar to me.

474
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:36,354
I like you, but every time I have you,
I lose control,

475
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:38,899
and I-- I hate to say it,
but I end up regretting it.

476
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:41,068
- But, Missy--
- My parents were right.

477
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:43,528
We need to break up. For real this time.

478
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:45,197
No, don't say that. We can fix this.

479
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,449
- Connie, please?
- I lost her, Maury.

480
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,367
For, at least, the next few years.

481
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:52,662
She came in hot, but burned out bright.

482
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:55,582
Missy, come on, I don't need to be sugar.

483
00:22:55,665 --> 00:22:57,084
I can be raisins.

484
00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:01,588
Oh, Andrew. Raisins are chock-full
of natural sugar.

485
00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:04,007
I'm sorry, there's no way around it.

486
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:06,093
You're just too sweet for me.

487
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:10,555
With all due respect, Connie,
this girl's a little fucking cunt.

488
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,808
And me and the boy
are gonna kill ourselves tonight.

489
00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:16,019
Yeah, I get it. You do you, Maury.
You gotta do you.

490
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,230
Well, Steve, you did it.

491
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,689
I really did, didn't I?

492
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:23,151
You played the wrong music,
constantly referenced the Holocaust,

493
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,529
and you appear to have killed an old man.

494
00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:26,655
Congratulations.

495
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:29,407
Thanks, Matthew.
That really means the world.

496
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:33,036
I truly envy your ability to bat away
every one of my insults.

497
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,830
Right back at you, my dude.

498
00:23:35,997 --> 00:23:37,332
[sighs]

499
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,585
- [clears throat]
- That's not really gonna keep me warm.

500
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:43,505
Can't you let me do nice things?
[groans] God!

501
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,633
- Today sucked.
- Your parents' speech was weird.

502
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:48,969
- I know. You have no idea.
- I kinda do.

503
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:52,180
I'm pretty sure my dad cheats
on my mom, like, all the time.

504
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,391
He makes me wait in the car
while he does it.

505
00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:56,518
Oh, Jay, I'm-- I'm sorry.

506
00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:58,645
Eh, don't be. Love dies.

507
00:23:58,728 --> 00:24:00,939
Let's bury the body together.

508
00:24:01,022 --> 00:24:03,358
Stop quoting your dad's law commercials.

509
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:06,027
Kiss him. Kiss him hard on the mouth.

510
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:12,409
Oh, my God, I can't believe
this is happening again!

511
00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:14,202
Shut up and kiss me.

512
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:18,248
Now stick your pinkie
in his little toffee-colored tushie.

513
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,292
Okay, I learned my lesson.

514
00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:22,878
You just go at your own pace, bubbale.

515
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:29,009
- Good night, Nicky.
- Good night, Mom.

516
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,972
- Good night, Jay.
- Good night, Mr. Birch.

517
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:36,433
I mean, Mom.

518
00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:39,519
- Sour Patch Kid?
- Sure.

519
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:43,356
- Hey, Dad, you're not a lemon.
- Thanks, jellybean.

520
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,525
You're my best little girl.

521
00:24:50,488 --> 00:24:52,574
[sobbing]

522
00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:55,577
[crying]

523
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:59,080
- [howls]
- Oh, I knew it was too good to be true.

524
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,041
It's worse than I thought.

525
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:03,710
- And I knew it was gonna end badly.
- [sniffles]

526
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:07,172
- You did?
- Of course. You're such a fucking dork!

527
00:25:07,255 --> 00:25:10,008
- I know.
- Aww, come here.

528
00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:12,427
[both sobbing]

529
00:25:16,264 --> 00:25:20,185
["I Want To Know What Love Is" playing]
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost for your entertainment, convenience, and study.  This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.

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Big Mouth stars Nick Kroll; John Mulaney; Jessi Klein; Jason Mantzoukas; Jenny Slate; Fred Armisen; Jordan Peele; Maya Rudolph; Andrew Rannells; Joe Wengert; Kat Dennings; Jessica Chaffin; Paula Pell; Neil Casey; Richard Kind; Seth Morris; June Diane Raphael; David Thewlis; Jon Daly; Nathan Fillion; Chelsea Peretti; Kristen Bell, and more!

About the Author

I used to be the guy who did that thing on the show you never heard of. Now I'm the guy who does stuff and another thing. I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm an idiot.

Website: https://8flix.com

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