Big Mouth Script Season 1 Episode 1.05

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Big Mouth (2017)

 episode script

season 1 - episode 5
"Girls Are Horny Too"

Created by

Nick Kroll
Andrew Goldberg

Written by

Nick Kroll
Andrew Goldberg
Mark Levin
Jennifer Flackett
Emily Altman

Directed by

Joel Moser

Big Mouth logo

S01-Ep.05: "Girls Are Horny Too"

A steamy novel making the rounds at school inspires Jessi to explore her own sexuality -- and leaves the boys totally confused about what girls want.

TRANSCRIPTION

1
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,093
[Barbara] I'm worried about Alex Trebek.
He looks too skinny.

2
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,512
[Marty] Barbara, shush!
You made me miss the question.

3
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,098
[Barbara] Jeopardy! doesn't give 
questions, Marty, they give answers.

4
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,809
[Marty] All right, who is "you know
what the hell I meant"?

5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,730
[soft music plays]

6
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,693
-Thank you, sir.
-You are welcome, sir.

7
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,322
Oh, a virgin sock? Ooh-la-la.

8
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,284
Yes, the elastic on it stretched, so...

9
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,037
-It's not a foot sock anymore.
-Indeed.

10
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,040
-I have the scriptures, Rabbi Glouberman.
-Thank you.

11
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,339
Printing out a picture
of your dad's associate Susan

12
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,049
was a stroke of genius.

13
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:54,054
-Who knew a kid could just join LinkedIn?
-Not I. Now pull your pud.

14
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,639
First I must shield the eyes
of the innocent.

15
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391
You're a decent man.

16
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,144
Yeah, get that special sauce.

17
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,439
[inhales deeply] It begins.

18
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:08,943
[Monster] There we go.
Visualize, focus.

19
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,905
-[gasps]
-[Monster] Interesting. Yes!

20
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,741
-Yes...
-[groans]

21
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,202
Well, how about that?
Plump tomato did it this time.

22
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,912
-Yes.
-You ever actually fuck a tomato?

23
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,040
-It's like fucking a sneeze.
-You find a sneeze sexual?

24
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:25,001
-Ooh, I find everything sexual.
-What about a chair?

25
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,628
-Sit on it, brother.
-An airplane?

26
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,254
Big dick flying through the sky.

27
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,423
What about a button-down shirt?

28
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,383
You mean a gaping butthole and ten clits?

29
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,301
What?

30
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,506
Ugh. This thing's like an Ace bandage.

31
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,424
It looks like I sprained my tits.

32
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,719
Guinea piglet, what are you doing
with that bra?

33
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,722
-It's the only one I have.
-Get rid!

34
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,142
Do you ever have anything positive to say?

35
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,602
-Ex-squash me?
-It's just you're such a bummer.

36
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,814
All you do is make me sore
and hairy and bloated

37
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:30,108
and, like, want to cry all the time.

38
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,861
-Well, fuck you!
-Fuck you too!

39
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,572
Honey, let's not do this
to each other, all right?

40
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,492
We can have fun.
I can make you feel good.

41
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,327
When have you ever made me feel good?

42
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,955
Don't you remember the Jacuzzi jets?

43
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,583
-You were there?
-I've always been there.

44
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,752
Like when your mother
showed you Dirty Dancin'.

45
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,755
Oh, his hips,
they could do some things.

46
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,550
Dirty things, and you liked it.

47
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:59,137
Yeah. It was like a feeling
in my stomach, but deep down.

48
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,471
That's just the beginning.

49
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,349
There's a whole world of feelings
down there.

50
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,020
Now, come here, baby.
Let's do the lift.

51
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,897
-Really?
-Really.

52
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:13,276
We are gonna have the time of our lives.

53
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:18,531
How is writing a book report a skill
I'm ever gonna use in real life?

54
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,074
When I'm an NBA point guard,

55
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,368
it's not like I'll write a report
about how well I dunked.

56
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,704
I'm doing mine on the current issue
of Abraca-Daily.

57
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:28,124
But Ms. Razz said that it had to be
on a work of historical fiction.

58
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,377
Ms. Razz can suck my historical dick-tion. 
[laughs]

59
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,963
Nailed it. I already read this.
Why would I read something else?

60
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,634
I don't mind reading so much.
My book's pretty cool. Ask me about it.

61
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:41,387
"What's it about, Andrew?" It's about
an astronomer in the Middle Ages

62
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,057
who discovers another planet,
and the church is mad.

63
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,559
-So he has to go to the Vatican--
-Ooh, the Vatican?

64
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,772
-Does he kill hookers?
-No, but he does perjure himself.

65
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,273
[gasps]

66
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,943
Oh, boy-oy-oy-oy...

67
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:59,239
-Uh, you okay over there, Missy?
-This book is... [stammers]

68
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,699
Really good!
It's called The Rock of Gibraltar.

69
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,035
It won the Gerson Prize
for historical fiction.

70
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,704
You should read it, for Gustavo alone.

71
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,622
[guitar strums]

72
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,040
What's the book about?

73
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,376
Ooh! Well...

74
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,629
the book takes place
during the Moorish rule in Spain,

75
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,465
so there's this knight,
Gustavo of Sevilla,

76
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,801
who falls in love
with a Moorish princess, Fatima--

77
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,887
-Well, it sounds--
-Gustavo's Catholic and she's Islamic,

78
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,722
and their love is forbidden.
[groans]

79
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,226
But then Gustavo needs to see her
because he loves her so much.

80
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,020
-Yeah, no, I'm gonna get--
-He contacts the gypsy sorceror El Colon,

81
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,731
who gives Gustavo the ability
to turn into a horse...

82
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,566
-I got it.
-...just so he can visit Fatima,

83
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,485
she meets him in the stables
and she rides him

84
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,946
and he loves her so much
but they can never truly be together

85
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,781
-because of their time--
-You really read the book.

86
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,285
When Gustavo and Fatima are together
I feel like I'm sitting on a fountain

87
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,829
-and there's fireworks in my stomach-- 
-Okay, okay!

88
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,457
-Read that book.
-Yeah, I think I should.

89
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,545
We're lucky men, Marty.

90
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,089
To our magnificent boys Nicky and Andrew,

91
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,258
what great friends
they found in each other.

92
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:06,180
And to our wives, our beautiful,
surprising, sensual wives.

93
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,640
[chuckles] Cheers!

94
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,435
[both groaning]

95
00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,604
How many times is he gonna walk by
and not bring me more bread?

96
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,065
-We still have some.
-What are you, on his side?

97
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,402
-Marty, I'm not on the waiter's side.
-He's not a waiter!

98
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,113
He's a busboy.
What are you promoting him for?

99
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,324
Oh, this looks good.

100
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:29,871
I think Elliot's waiting because
his wife's food hasn't arrived yet.

101
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,581
Elliot could do what he wants.

102
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,499
But I'm not letting my scallops
get ice-cold.

103
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,500
Oh, well, God forbid.

104
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,794
Cold scallops is how I got
food poisoning in West Palm, remember?

105
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,464
-I remember.
-Then in Atlantic City, twice in Cape Cod

106
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:42,425
-and then again in Atlantic City--
-I remember. You shit the bed.

107
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,801
I'm referring to that!

108
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,678
Maybe you should stop
eating scallops, Marty.

109
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,806
And let the scallops win?
Ha! They'd love that.

110
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,976
So, I know you weren't interested
in book club,

111
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,562
but we read
the most amazing book this month.

112
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,023
It won the Gerson Prize
for historical fiction.

113
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,067
Oh, I'm not a history buff.

114
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,402
No, listen, you will like this.

115
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:05,948
It's a love story
between Fatima and Gustavo.

116
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,575
[guitar strums]

117
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,912
Trust me, it's very... compelling.

118
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,747
You're winking. It is it not compelling?

119
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,583
It's a sexy book, Barbara.
Just take the sexy book.

120
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,418
-You'll like it.
-All right.

121
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:18,753
"The Rock of Gibraltar"?

122
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,339
Did Diane tell you we read it together?

123
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,967
We like to incorporate reading
into our intimate time.

124
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,930
Once all we had handy was a copy
of If I Did It by OJ Simpson.

125
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,474
-Oh, God.
-And we definitely did it that night.

126
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,851
Made love, not murdered
our estranged spouse.

127
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,146
-And let's not forget Ron Goldman.
-Ron Goldman. Speaking of waiters,

128
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,856
where the hell is that guy?

129
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,025
Oh, these scallops.
Where's the men's room?

130
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,777
-And we need more bread!
-Ugh.

131
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,112
[bell ringing]

132
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,030
[Jessi] Fatima knew
if her father caught her

133
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,740
running down to the stables at this hour

134
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,035
he would forbid her
from studying at la universidad.

135
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,038
But was it her fault
that she craved a ride?

136
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,332
Fatima, come to me.

137
00:06:56,415 --> 00:07:01,462
I am hungry for your touch
and for warm spiced oats.

138
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,589
Wait, did you guys read through lunch?

139
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842
Wow. Uh, yes, we did.

140
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,718
You must really like that book.

141
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,596
Right now Fatima is trying
to track Gustavo's movements

142
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,933
by following the stars, so she creates
a rudimentary astronomy lab.

143
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,394
Oh, my God, have you read
Doubting Andreas?

144
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,521
He too creates a rudimentary
astronomy lab.

145
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:23,025
Have you ever looked up at the stars
and thought, "The world is so big"?

146
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,695
-"And I'm so small"?
-And yet so loud.

147
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,322
This is the library.
Please go away, I am reading.

148
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,574
Jesus. Okay.

149
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,993
[Jay] Let's go see if that science teacher
is still crying.

150
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,704
[Jessi] Fatima looked down
at her intricately laced bodice,

151
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,915
her sensual, ripe breasts
bursting from--

152
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,417
[sighs]

153
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,713
See what I mean?
That brassiere is U-G-L-Y.

154
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:48,009
-It ain't got no alibi. It's--
-Dog shit, I know.

155
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,429
Really? The Rock of Gibraltar.

156
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,639
Why is every girl I know
obsessed with this?

157
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,517
Well, there is this incredible romance

158
00:07:56,601 --> 00:08:00,062
between Fatima and... Gustavo.

159
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,523
So, what, do they kiss privates
or what's the deal?

160
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,317
-Kiss privates?
-You know what I mean.

161
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,361
Do they have sex?
No, Nicky, they can't. That's the point.

162
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,156
-That's where the tension comes from.
-Of course, the tension.

163
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,158
You have no idea why girls
read this book, do you?

164
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,577
-Yeah, I do.
-Because it turns them on.

165
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:19,499
-[stammers] What was that now?
-Newsflash: girls get horny too.

166
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,461
-Don't tell me you didn't know that.
-Of course I did.

167
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,297
Girls are just as horny as boys.
We just don't talk about it constantly.

168
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,798
Hmm.

169
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,344
Hey, Lia, I just remembered
I have a book report to write. Um...

170
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,721
-Can I borrow Rock of Gibraltar?
-Fine.

171
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,681
I don't know what you're up to,
you little perv,

172
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,266
but I like the journey you're on.

173
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,813
I still don't see what the rush is, honey.

174
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,732
You've already got a perfectly nice bra.

175
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,276
You tell Shannon you do not want nice.

176
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,113
You want two scoops of Haagen-Dazs
French vanilla boobies.

177
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:55,159
Mom, I want something... voluptuous.

178
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,705
A woman's bosom should resemble
the wild, sweet oranges of Valencia

179
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,249
which yearn to be plucked.

180
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,253
Oh, honey, buying a fancy bra
won't make you look like these models.

181
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,089
They all have their ribs removed
and their buttholes bleached.

182
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,634
I get it. I just want a grownup bra, okay?

183
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,220
This one! This is the one.

184
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,265
Tell Shannon you'll kill yourself
if you don't get it.

185
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,933
How about this one?

186
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:22,019
I don't know, Jessi.
Is this bra really... you?

187
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,146
Yes! Of course it's you!

188
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,733
-It's always been you!
-Shh, shh. I got this.

189
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:31,571
Was it not you, Mom,
who insisted from an early age

190
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,741
that I quote, "embrace my power,"
end quote, as a female?

191
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,661
Yes, but this red bra. [laughs]

192
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,581
I mean, this is a power
that you can't handle yet.

193
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,585
Are you trying to make me afraid
of my own sexuality?

194
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,629
-[gasps] No, Jessi--
-Are you slut-shaming me?

195
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,965
I would never slut-shame you.

196
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,342
Are you the patriarchy?

197
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,803
Oh, my God, of course not.

198
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,054
Go in for the kill.

199
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,599
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote,

200
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,393
"Do one thing every day that scares you,"
closed quote,

201
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,729
and I think this red bra
scares both of us.

202
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,105
[sighs]

203
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,233
-[both shouting]
-Oh, my God, we did it!

204
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,986
-We got a bra, oh, my God!
-[laughs]

205
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,529
You think you're excited.

206
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,033
I just found out Dippin' Dots
isn't fluorescent guinea pig doodies.

207
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,285
-It's ice cream.
-But you were eating it anyway?

208
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,955
Yeah. Couldn't figure out
why these doodies were so delicious, so.

209
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,957
What are you, bra shopping or what?

210
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,128
Shark Tank is making me nuts.

211
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,922
I know that rotten kid stole my idea
for the illuminated toilet seat.

212
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,507
-I'm reading.
-I never put it on paper,

213
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,927
I never said it out loud, but somehow
he crawled into my brain

214
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,263
and he stole my intellectual property.

215
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,681
[groans]

216
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,144
Fatima, I need you.

217
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,648
My love, if my father sees you
he will have you killed.

218
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,817
After tonight, we need never fear again.

219
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,320
I have spoken to El Colon.

220
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,239
Tomorrow, I become horse.

221
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:01,160
But the transformation,
it will be painful, yes?

222
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,411
Hush now, my love.

223
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,164
We will face tomorrow when it comes.

224
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,209
Tonight... we dance.

225
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,338
I want to hold you close, Barbara.

226
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,174
-Oh, but we shouldn't.
-But we must.

227
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,305
Hey, did you put my toilet seat idea
on Facebook

228
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,265
or did you mention it
to one of your friends?

229
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,267
Perhaps I should leave you two alone.

230
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,852
No. Gustavo, please.

231
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,729
Barbara, I must go,

232
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,315
because... I don't like him.

233
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,650
[horse neighs]

234
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,653
You know what I'm gonna do?
Get a lawyer and sue that kid.

235
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,780
-Do you mind? I'm reading.
-Fine!

236
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,782
I'm going to sleep. Oh.

237
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,033
Oh, God.
[stomach rumbles]

238
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,452
I can't believe
I ate those scallops again.

239
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,331
-[farts]
-[gasps] Oh, Marty!

240
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,376
Listen, while you're up, there's a thing
of Rolaids in my dress shoes.

241
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,169
[bell ringing]

242
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,257
Okay, show-off.
What are you, Mr. Library now?

243
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,969
President of Books, Comptroller of...

244
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,054
-Jay, you're out of steam.
-Shut up, I got this.

245
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,015
-Books. Fuck!
-Guys, I think I'm onto something.

246
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,143
There's a reason all the girls
are reading this book.

247
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,562
-Lia told me. It turns them on.
-[both] Huh?

248
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,773
Get this: girls are horny too.

249
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,527
-Just as horny as guys, supposedly.
-[Andrew chuckles]

250
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,947
-No, no, that's impossible.
-What's impossible?

251
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,783
According to Nick, girls are horny too.

252
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,076
What the...?

253
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,245
There's no way
girls are as horny as I am.

254
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,122
That's true. Jay fucks his pillow.

255
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,708
I also once fucked
this really sexy bag of potting soil.

256
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,960
-See? They can't be like Jay.
-To completion.

257
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,212
-The boy is a deviant.
-I'm not allowed back in that greenhouse.

258
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,465
All I know is Lia says girls get horny.

259
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,800
So you're telling me Devon gets horny?

260
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,968
-Yeah.
-Yes!

261
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,929
-What about Principal Baron?
-Apparently, they all do.

262
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,307
-All of them!
-But not...

263
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,225
-Missy?
-Andrew, she's reading that book

264
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,894
and evidently,
that's one of their triggers.

265
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313
My God, you're right. Missy gets horny.

266
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,148
I'm telling you, they all do.

267
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:57,026
This book makes them horny?
It's just porn, then, right?

268
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,528
They're walking around school
reading porn!

269
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,822
-Actually, no.
-Jesus, this is no fair!

270
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,741
Girls walking around school
reading porn,

271
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:08,204
and I make one drawing
of 23 teachers having consensual sex,

272
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,830
and I'm the creep.

273
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,542
Yeah, I wasn't included in the drawing,
but that's okay.

274
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,544
It was just the academic teachers

275
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,881
is how he did the cutoff there, so... 
[clears throat]

276
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,676
So, what, this is gonna be on The Office
or Modern Family or what?

277
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,014
Boy, these straight to camera testimonials
are great for narrative structure.

278
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,558
They're a crutch,
but they cut right to the chase.

279
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,268
They really help with story.

280
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,480
Not in this case.
This is a, you know, a departure,

281
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,106
but they'll find their way back.

282
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,441
[indistinct chatter]

283
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,903
-[groans]
-Look at me. Look at me.

284
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,489
-Okay.
-You are Fatima.

285
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,991
-You are sexy.
-Really? I don't know.

286
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,410
-You do know.
-What do I know?

287
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,204
How to dance!

288
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,248
[plays upbeat music]

289
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:56,252
♪ You throw open the door
To adventures like you've never known ♪

290
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,878
Holy shit, is that Jessi?

291
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,590
♪ You'll feel your confidence, courage
And cup size magically grow ♪

292
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,300
[distorted] Whoa!

293
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:08,097
♪ It will make mountains of your hills
And grant you a life of endless thrills ♪

294
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,014
[distorted] Whoa!

295
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,893
♪ And set passions aflame
Down the depths of your womanly soul ♪

296
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,103
Own it, bitch.

297
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,397
-♪ Sexy red bra ♪
-Hi, Jessi.

298
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,191
-♪ Sexy red bra ♪
-Hi, red bra.

299
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,151
-Jesus, Andrew.
-♪ It'll transform you ♪

300
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:25,322
♪ Into an object of envy and awe ♪

301
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,283
So trashy.

302
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,703
Please, Jessi, I have $28.
I want to give it to you.

303
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,456
Well, bonjour to the lovely Ms. Glaser.

304
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,292
-♪ Sexy red bra ♪
-Who do you think you are,

305
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,878
one of the Kardashians?
[grumbles]

306
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,089
♪ It will lift up your life, my dear ♪

307
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,217
♪ But beware of the fall ♪

308
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,594
Ow!

309
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,597
[sobbing]

310
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,056
[Monstress sobbing]

311
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,767
What the hell? Why are you crying?

312
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,728
Because it's all so overwhelming.

313
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,980
My mom was right.

314
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,650
-Don't you ever say that again.
-What? She said I wasn't ready,

315
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,403
and I wasn't ready
for all those eyes on me.

316
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,406
-But you liked some of them.
-I know!

317
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:12,244
But what about Mr. Lizer
and Jay and... Lola.

318
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,831
-I want to throw this thing away.
-Yes, drown the bra. Kill it!

319
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,959
Or maybe I could just
put it in my backpack.

320
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,670
Yeah, keep it. I still love it, too.

321
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,759
So, we know girls read the book
because it makes them horny.

322
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,219
And we know Jessi is reading the book,

323
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:33,641
ergo Jessi is horny
and she's wearing a red bra,

324
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,435
which means she wants us
to know she's horny.

325
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:39,772
-Or she just likes the bra.
-The bra isn't a bra.

326
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,274
-It's a signal.
-Okay, let's say it is a signal.

327
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,110
-What do we even do with that?
-I don't see what we can do with that.

328
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:50,199
We can relieve Jessi of her horniness
by touching her boobs.

329
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,284
She'll be grateful.
I know if I was walking around

330
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,162
with a red bra on my dick, I'd want
somebody to touch my dick, right?

331
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,498
You're a little fuckin' freak,
I like hanging out with you.

332
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,335
Mi amor, you look fantástica.

333
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,713
-Oh!
-Martín is a muy lucky man.

334
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,632
Muchas gracias.

335
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,676
-And it's Marty.
-Go to him.

336
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,054
Go to... Marty?

337
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,811
Good Christ,
are you eating scallops again?

338
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,313
They're leftovers!
Why are you so dressed up?

339
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,440
I thought maybe we could...

340
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,566
-What?
-You know...

341
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,527
Oh! Oh.

342
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,861
Oh, all right.

343
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,322
Let me go sit on the toilet
for a minute, clear the pipes.

344
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,824
-You know, the scallops.
-[groans]

345
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,617
-Forget it!
-What's the matter?

346
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,371
You know what the matter is?
You are not Gustavo.

347
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:40,040
The horse? You're mad
'cause I'm not a horse.

348
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,877
I'm not mad you're not a horse,
I'm mad that you don't love me

349
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,172
as much as you love the GD scallops.

350
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,551
What? That's crazy.
I love you both, in different ways.

351
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,094
[stomach rumbles]
Ooh, speaking of which...

352
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,013
Oh, Marty.

353
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,266
This scallop man, he does not know
how to treat a woman.

354
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,934
-I know.
-[rumbling from bathroom]

355
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,436
¡Dios mío!

356
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,565
Even when I was a horse I did not make
noises or smells of this nature.

357
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,191
[bell ringing]

358
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,653
Hey. Just wanted to let you know,
I read you loud and clear.

359
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,114
-Excuse me?
-Signal received.

360
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:16,076
-I sent no signal.
-Yeah, wink-wink. I get it.

361
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,996
Uh-oh, Dickarus is flying
too close to the sun.

362
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,873
But if he's right it changes everything.

363
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,751
Like when a baboon is in heat
and presents its red bum-bum

364
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,045
so the other baboons know
it's time to monkey around.

365
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,423
What the fuck are you talking about?

366
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:33,510
Hello! The red bra, the book.
I know how horny you are.

367
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,804
And as your friend,
I want to help you out

368
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,973
by touching your boob--
[grunts]

369
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,725
[groaning, grunts]

370
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,934
And now you're choking me.

371
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,228
And I'm wondering if maybe that's not
what you wanted me to do.

372
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,397
No, that's not what I wanted you to do.

373
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,775
I just thought, when I get horny,
I want somebody--

374
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,402
You have no idea what I want,
you fucknut shitbag!

375
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:56,867
-Huh, I guess the bra wasn't a signal.
-And Jessi is very strong.

376
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,578
Hi Andrew, if you're finished
with Doubting Andreas,

377
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:03,040
I thought you might like to borrow
my copy of The Rock of Gibraltar.

378
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:05,626
-You think I would like it?
-Oh, yeah.

379
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,128
There's telescopes and compasses
and Islamic art,

380
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,172
basically everything you want
in an interesting book.

381
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,382
-And of course there's Gustavo.
-[guitar strums]

382
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,343
[mutters]

383
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,137
Anyway, it's definitely worth a read.

384
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,098
There's something for everyone
in there, I think.

385
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,433
Whew! I gotta get to jazz club.

386
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,728
-Was that a signal?
-I don't know. I'm very confused.

387
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,854
Whoo!

388
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,065
Did you guys see Jessi
choking me out over there?

389
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,443
Yeah. She gets pretty angry
when she's horny.

390
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:34,947
-Lia.
-Hey, Nicky.

391
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,533
I had some questions
re: The Rock of Gibraltar.

392
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,410
Are you up to the part where
she grooms him with sweet almond oil?

393
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,996
Yeah, actually, re: almond oil,

394
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,207
girls don't want to have sex with horses.

395
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,209
That's not what this book
is about, right?

396
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,379
Of course not!
The horse part isn't what's sexy.

397
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,006
It's the fact that they can't have sex
that's so hot.

398
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,218
This is where you lose me.
What's so hot about not having sex?

399
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,762
See, you're thinking like a guy.
Women are different.

400
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,890
-Sometimes we think sex itself is sexy.
-Great news.
401
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,601
But other times we imagine
a faceless dude

402
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,729
walking around with a baby
in a Baby Bjorn, and that's sexy.

403
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,942
-So babies and no faces are sexy?
-No, you tiny dum-dum.

404
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,402
It's a lot of different things.

405
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,029
Sometimes we think a smell is sexy,

406
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,907
-or sushi or Dr. Drew Pinsky.
-What?

407
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:22,161
Or like a million other incomprehensible
things, you know what I mean?

408
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,289
So The Rock of Gibraltar,
it's about sex

409
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,500
because it's about everything around sex.

410
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,918
-See what I'm saying?
-Look at that.

411
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,172
Our inquisitive son, our wise daughter,

412
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,216
working together to solve
the mysteries of human desire.

413
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,302
I know, sweetheart. I credit you.

414
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,512
No, no, no, I credit you.

415
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,181
No, no, I credit you.

416
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,349
I wanna credit you all night long.

417
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,520
-Why don't we go and affirm each other?
-I'm already affirmed right now.

418
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,564
Oh, you devil dog.

419
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,565
[chuckles]

420
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,484
Some might say it's weird
they're getting turned on

421
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,112
by their children
talking about what's sexy.

422
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,158
But I'm not here to judge.
I'm just here to watch.

423
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,409
[laughs]

424
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,454
Jay is so gross.

425
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,997
He doesn't know what I want.

426
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,665
Yeah! He doesn't.

427
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,918
Jessi, what do you want?

428
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,503
I don't know. I know I like this,

429
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756
and I thought I was gonna like this.

430
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,174
You did like that.

431
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,219
Yeah, but everyone's reaction to it
made me feel so weird.

432
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,804
Who cares about everyone else?

433
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,808
Maybe it's time to get to know yourself.

434
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,936
Oh, you mean take a look in it?

435
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:32,231
Yeah, take a gander.
It's yours, isn't it?

436
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,650
Uh, okay, sure.

437
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,943
Can I get some privacy?

438
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,195
Of course, pecorino.

439
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:42,366
If you need me I'll be in the bubble bath
watching Dr. Drew Pinsky.

440
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,618
He looks like a sexy turtle.

441
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,038
[sighs] Here goes something.

442
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,124
-Um... hello?
-Hey, girl, hey!

443
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,002
Oh, my God, I have been dying to meet you.

444
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,588
Oh, cool. Okay. Hi, I'm Jessi.

445
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,548
Well, I'm your genitals.

446
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,510
-[laughs] What's up?
-I was wondering when you'd---

447
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,678
[both laugh]

448
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,929
-I'm sorry, you go first.
-Wait!

449
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,555
-Jinx!
-We just talked at the same time.

450
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,516
-We're having fun.
-This is fun.

451
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,269
I have to say, you are not
what I was expecting.

452
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,437
-Do you want the grand tour?
-Uh, yes, please.

453
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,814
Great. Okay.

454
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,024
Well, up top, la-la-la-la,

455
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,276
this is the clitoris.

456
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,944
It is where the party happens.

457
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,237
What do you mean by "party"?

458
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,657
Oh, gosh. Have you ever been
electrocuted, but in a good way?

459
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,618
-No.
-Okay. It's a very important spot.

460
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:29,246
This is the urethra.
That's where the pee comes out.

461
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,623
Oh. I didn't know there was a second hole.

462
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,125
There's three, if you count your anus.

463
00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:35,711
-I don't think I do.
-Me neither. She's an asshole.

464
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:36,712
[rim shot]

465
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,130
-That's a joke.
-Oh, okay.

466
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,007
She's a lovely lady, and a drummer.

467
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,218
What else? Labia majora.

468
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,304
-The labia minora.
-Oh, hi.

469
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,223
And this part here is the actual vagina. 
[pops]

470
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,311
Oh. Weird. Sorry, I assumed
the vagina was like, the whole thing.

471
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,687
A lot of people do that.

472
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,189
It's like how people call
all sparkling wine champagne,

473
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:59,735
but technically champagne is from
one specific region in France.

474
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,571
[laughs] It's like, "Shut up, nerd,
we're just trying to get drunk!"

475
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,655
[both laugh]

476
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,365
-You know, you're not scary.
-Boo!

477
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,533
-Ahh!
-[laughs]

478
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:10,704
Of course I'm not scary.
I'm you, and I'm very fun.

479
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,457
Wink-wink.
You know what I mean?

480
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:16,126
Um, I mean, yeah, I guess
I think I know what you mean.

481
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,338
-Oh, you know what I mean.
-I have some sense of what you mean.

482
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,214
-I'm telling you to masturbate.
-Oh, okay.

483
00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,258
-All right.
-Okay, well, I'm gonna go now.

484
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,969
-No. What? Stay forever.
-I wish I could.

485
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,305
Aww. Don't be a stranger.

486
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,642
-Neigh!
-Marty, what the...?

487
00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,478
I'm Gustavo the horse.

488
00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,689
-Why?
-I'm trying to romance you.

489
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,608
Oh, of course you are.

490
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:42,235
Look at you, you're Gustavo the horse.

491
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:46,198
For the record, Marty, Gustavo
wasn't a man who dressed like a horse.

492
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,992
Just get over here, all right?

493
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,119
I threw away the scallops.

494
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:54,206
Oh, you did? You threw 'em away, huh?

495
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:55,665
-[kissing]
-[gasps]

496
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,459
Oh, my God, girls get horny.

497
00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,170
-And your mom's a girl.
-So my mom gets horny too.

498
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,547
-[Marty] Neigh.
-Jesus Christ,

499
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,841
look at the size of your dad's balls.

500
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,676
[birds chirping]

501
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,096
Okay, and for our final book report,

502
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:14,309
Nick Birch will be talking to us
about... Oh, The Rock of Gibraltar.

503
00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:17,187
-Nick.
-Ms. Razz, bored students,

504
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:21,525
The Rock of Gibraltar is a brilliantly
told work of historical fiction.

505
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:24,236
The story is beautiful
and filled with passion,

506
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,364
but it's about so much more than just sex.

507
00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:30,450
In a way, it's about everything
around sex.

508
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,453
-Does that make sense?
-It totally makes sense.

509
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:37,707
See, Gustavo takes care of Fatima
without ever robbing her of her power.

510
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,708
Mm-hm!

511
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,002
Now, I'd like to perform
a dramatic reading

512
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:45,090
of the speech Gustavo gives to Fatima
on the shores of Playa Paraíso.

513
00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:47,384
That is, of course,
if it's all right with the class.

514
00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,845
Do it now! Do the speech now!

515
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:53,431
[clears throat]
Fatima, I worship you.

516
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:56,685
I worship your brain
for all the brilliance it holds.

517
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,437
I worship your beauty,
for it intoxicates me

518
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,481
and drives me passionately to you.

519
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,024
Señorita.
-Ooh!

520
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:03,942
[Duke laughs]

521
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,778
I worship your uncompromising free spirit.

522
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,948
Know that I will never tame you,
unless that is what you wish.

523
00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:12,075
This one's slippery, be careful.

524
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:15,120
Know that I could never uncover
all of your mysteries,

525
00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:17,372
even if I spent a lifetime trying.

526
00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:20,917
Mm-hm. There you go. That's it, baby.

527
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:23,128
-Oh. Hello.
-[genitals] Hey, girl, what's up?

528
00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:26,506
But if you know nothing else,
Fatima, know this:

529
00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:30,427
I want you. I want you forevermore.

530
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,137
I want you.

531
00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:34,639
Okay, thanks, that's it.

532
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,142
Thank you, Gustavo-- Nick.
Thank you, Nick.

533
00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:38,059
Gracias.

534
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,486
-El libro, señor.
-Thank you, sir.

535
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,662
[groans]

536
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,373
-Missy, huh?
-I guess so.

537
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,168
I'm surprised your dad's
big ol' balls didn't show up.

538
00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:04,211
I hate you.

539
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:08,173
Seriously, I was like, "Why is your dad
having sex with a messenger bag on?"

540
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:11,676
And then I was like,
"Oh, those are his balls."

541
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,428
I can't get 'em out of my mind.

542
00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:16,681
It's like, is he seeing a doctor
because there could be something wrong.

543
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,434
It's weird, too, because they're veiny
but there's no hair.

544
00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:24,105
It's smooth. That's the weight, right,
pulling down the skin?

545
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,442
I honestly wonder if he ever poops
on his own balls.

546
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,611
He's probably got to drape 'em
outside the toilet.

547
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,239
Maybe that's how he came up
with the illuminated toilet seat.

548
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:35,700
I told some kid about that and he went
on Shark Tank and made millions.

549
00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,327
I feel like I should tell your dad,

550
00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:41,456
but I'm scared he'll hit me in the head
with that big pillowcase of watermelons.

551
00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:44,417
Ah, the boy is asleep. What a kid.

552
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:48,213
What a set of nuts. Jesus Christ,
what a thing to live up to.

553
00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:50,048
And here's the thing with balls...
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost for your entertainment, convenience, and study.  This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.

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About the Author

I used to be the guy who did that thing on the show you never heard of. Now I'm the guy who does stuff and another thing. I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm an idiot.

Website: https://8flix.com

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