Atypical Season 1 Episode script 2

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Atypical (2017)

 episode script

season 1 - episode 2
"A Human Female"

Created by

Robia Rashid

Written by

Robia Rashid
Dennis Saldua
Ava Tramer
Michael Oppenhuizen
Jen Regan

Atypical logo

S01-Ep.02: "A Human Female"

When Sam learns his crush is already taken, dad Doug helps him woo her. A lost credit card sends Also back to the bar. Casey hears rumours about Evan.

TRANSCRIPTION

1
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,638
[Sam] Now that I know I want Julia
to be my girlfriend someday,

2
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,016
I've decided to look nice
whenever I see her.

3
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:20,437
That kind of thing is important to girls,
but looking nice is hard.

4
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,982
Yeah. Look at you.

5
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,442
Cock of the walk.

6
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,445
You know, because of your hair.

7
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,613
That makes no sense.

8
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:34,367
I look nothing like a rooster.
Roosters don't even have hair.

9
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,453
They have a coxcomb, which is fleshy.

10
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,788
Whoa, whoa, that's like what, the...

11
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,874
what, the red thing on a chicken's head?

12
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,250
Yes.

13
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,461
Coxcomb.

14
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,172
That's a funny word.

15
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:57,098
[Sam] As far as birds go,
chickens aren't as cool as penguins,

16
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,434
but they have some interesting habits.

17
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:04,773
In a natural setting,
a rooster will entice hens into mating

18
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,609
by spreading his feathers
and performing a demonstrative dance.

19
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:10,028
Jeez!

20
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,823
-Don't sneak up. You made me overzest.
-Why so jumpy?

21
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,533
I know. I couldn't help myself.

22
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,578
-These lemon squares look delicious.
-They're not for you.

23
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,580
-They're for group.
-All right, okay.

24
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,499
Okay, they look fantastic.

25
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,515
[Sam] You may see him dip one wing

26
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,226
and dance around the female
in a circular pattern.

27
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,022
Shit, Casey.

28
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,149
That's a grown-ass man right there.

29
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,652
Are you banging,
or are you still in handy land?

30
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:53,071
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
Casey's a total prude.

31
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,281
-She's never even kissed a boy.
-[laughing]

32
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:59,119
You didn't mention a boyfriend. How could
you not tell me you have a boyfriend?

33
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,745
We're just hanging out.

34
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,831
-Mm-hmm.
-Hanging out with his dick.

35
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,541
[laughing]

36
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,545
Are you?

37
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:14,175
-[whispering] Hanging out with his dick.
-[laughing] No. Sharice.

38
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,510
Go away.

39
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,680
[Sam] But enticing human girls
into mating

40
00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:22,267
or just being your girlfriend
takes different skills.

41
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,726
It requires research.

42
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,521
You can't just ask a girl out.

43
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,940
You have to learn the important things
about her first.

44
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,567
What's your favorite type of lemonade?

45
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,820
Uh, regular?

46
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:36,698
Do you like movies?

47
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,784
Yes. I love them.

48
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,870
Do you have any fears or phobias?

49
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,623
-Nope.
-What are your favorite winter sports?

50
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,086
Well, we have been
snowshoeing a couple times.

51
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,591
"We"? As in you and your mom.

52
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,259
Me and my boyfriend.

53
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,177
Snowshoeing was his idea.

54
00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,762
I hate the cold. [chuckles]

55
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,390
You have a boyfriend?

56
00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,183
Mm-hmm. Miles.

57
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,897
Anyway, it's great that
you're showing so much interest in others.

58
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,523
We've been working on that.

59
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,734
[fading] But how about we get back
to you?

60
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:15,612
Now, when Mr. Tavern's
voice bothers you...

61
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:31,544
[Sam] When I was younger,
if I got upset or stressed,

62
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:35,215
I would hit or bang my head or yell.

63
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,176
Now I try to use replacement
behaviors instead.

64
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,391
Sam.

65
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,143
Is everything okay?

66
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,396
Want to talk?

67
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,233
Maybe I should talk to Mom.

68
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,486
That's usually how things go around here,
but Mom has her group tonight.

69
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,238
Okay? Maybe I can help.

70
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:02,659
I like a girl.

71
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,119
Really?

72
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,916
That's good. What's she like?

73
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,418
She's smart, and she's pretty.

74
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,046
And she has a boyfriend-- Miles.

75
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,256
Stupid Miles!

76
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,633
[Doug] Well, that sucks.

77
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:21,135
But, you know,
it's not the end of the world.

78
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,680
Mom had a boyfriend when I first met her.

79
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:30,311
-She did?
-This guy Gerald Redenbach.

80
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,855
He had a Jeep and a golden retriever

81
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,941
that wore a bandanna.

82
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,026
She thought he was so cool.

83
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,405
And y-you stole Mom away from him?

84
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,116
Something like that.

85
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,703
How?

86
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,746
I just... stuck around,

87
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,332
being my sweet, charming self.

88
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,417
And that worked?

89
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,252
Well, proof is in the pudding, right?

90
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,670
I don't like pudding.

91
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,422
Well, forget the pudding.

92
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,799
The point is,
is you're young, Sam, you know.

93
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,093
Relationships, they come and they go.

94
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:06,055
She might have a boyfriend this week
and next week, who knows?

95
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,348
Does that make sense?

96
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,310
Yes.

97
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:14,355
I should make myself available
in case Miles goes away or dies.

98
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,692
Or they break up amicably.

99
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,822
Okay. I'll do that.

100
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,032
You should.

101
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,705
I think this went well.

102
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:31,956
Me, too.

103
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,042
[chuckles]

104
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,504
I know we're always, um...

105
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,590
talking in here about, you know,

106
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,217
taking time for ourselves

107
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,343
and I did.

108
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,014
I took a dance class. Silly.

109
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,682
Um...

110
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,185
The teacher thought I was really good.

111
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,937
Really silly. But she did say that.

112
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,690
And this is nuts, but afterwards,

113
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:01,569
we all went to a bar, and I met a guy.

114
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:05,364
I mean, not a guy-guy.
I'm married. You all know Doug.

115
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:08,493
Not really, he doesn't come to these,
they're not his "thing."

116
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:09,869
Whose thing are they?

117
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,622
[laughs] It's not like we come here
for the fun of it.

118
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,748
No offense.

119
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,041
I like you guys.

120
00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:16,834
Marjorie, you.

121
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:21,130
Um, so, Sam. Anyway. Um...

122
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,633
Sam is-- he had a good week, you know?

123
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,135
But the thing is, at this bar,

124
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:32,350
for the first time since,
probably, Sam was diagnosed,

125
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,521
I wasn't worried or scared.

126
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:40,608
I was just having fun

127
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,152
with a group of strangers

128
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:46,906
who had nothing to do with autism.

129
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,825
And, again, I love you guys.

130
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,786
But this guy, this bartender I met,

131
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,204
he is so...

132
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,498
his life is so crazy!

133
00:06:55,581 --> 00:07:01,879
And risk-taking and ordinary, you know?

134
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:06,717
And I just...
I realized that that's, um...

135
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,638
It's just a life Sam's never gonna have.

136
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,560
So, um...

137
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,064
I don't know. I just...

138
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,526
[sighs deeply]

139
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,156
I made lemon squares, um...

140
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,575
so don't anybody be shy.

141
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,119
They're overzested.

142
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,913
[applause]

143
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:41,461
Your dad's right, bro. A girl is fair game
until there's a ring on it.

144
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,378
A wedding ring.

145
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,298
An engagement ring means she's ready
for one more mistake.

146
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,093
Okay, this is perfect.

147
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,555
Watch this.

148
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,643
[Sam] Sometimes I wish I was smooth,
like Zahid.

149
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,064
Of all the people I know,
he's the best at girls.

150
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,465
And that's how you do it.

151
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,509
Now I'm gonna hide in the back,

152
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:33,471
'cause that guy said he's gonna kick
my ass, and he has a neck tattoo, so...

153
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:40,186
[chuckles] How's stuff with you?

154
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:44,023
-How's Doug?
-Oh, we had a date night.

155
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,693
-Which was a total disaster.
-Mm-hmm.

156
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,612
Every time we have a moment, I ruin it.

157
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,490
Stop it! You're doing great, okay?

158
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:55,993
I have to say that you're a saint
for sticking with him, after what he did.

159
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:56,911
Shh!

160
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,081
That was a long time ago.

161
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,544
How's Christopher? I meant to ask you,
since he's been mainstreamed.

162
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,671
He's having a regression.

163
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,756
Aw.

164
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,466
Having anger issues.

165
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,552
-Have you tried music therapy?
-[scoffs]

166
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:16,514
Because I met this woman last year,
at the Autism Walk,

167
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,517
and I think I might still have her card.

168
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,227
She has this whole studio.

169
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:24,855
She's a little bit punk rock,
but cute as a button.

170
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:25,982
And...

171
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,569
-Oh, no.
-What's wrong?

172
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,737
My credit card's--

173
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,742
Cancel card.

174
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,202
-What's going on?
-Ugh!

175
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,621
I have to cancel the Visa.

176
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,082
I left it at that bar after dance class.

177
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,043
You're wearing that sweatshirt?

178
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,837
-What's wrong with it?
-Nothing.

179
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,423
I don't understand
why you do all that working out

180
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,842
if you're not gonna flaunt
your cute figure.

181
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,303
[scoffs] Oh, my God.
You want me to dress sluttier?

182
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,637
Why are you canceling it?

183
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,805
Identity theft.

184
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:01,434
Sweetie, it was a compliment.
You're adorable under all that bulk.

185
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,977
Bye!

186
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,354
The bar is ten minutes away.
Just pick it up.

187
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,107
No. I'm not gonna add another chore
to my to-do list.

188
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,109
But all the bills are on autopay.

189
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:13,613
Switching everything, that's gonna be
like ten chores right there.

190
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:14,864
You want me to pick it up?

191
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,574
-I'll get it on my way to work.
-No!

192
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,785
-Um, you know what?
-[beeps]

193
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,413
It's my mistake.

194
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,207
-I'll take care of it.
-You sure?

195
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,877
I'm sorry that I snapped at you.

196
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:31,088
No. I don't even hear it anymore.

197
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,303
[knock on door]

198
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,721
[door opens]

199
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,976
Coach Briggs. You wanted to see me?

200
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,936
Yep. Come in, sit.

201
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:46,979
Okay.

202
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,732
We need to powwow.

203
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:54,070
If this is about my suspension,
I'm so sorry.

204
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,864
I really--
This team is very important to me,

205
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,408
and I would never do anything
to mess that up.

206
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,952
Gardner, look at this office.

207
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,748
My life is not awesome.

208
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,125
Do you know the one thing
that brings me joy?

209
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,086
Other than the failures of my brother?

210
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,007
It is girls with actual talent.

211
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,093
-Like you!
-Mm-hmm.

212
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,888
I took a risk bringing you
onto varsity so young.

213
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,474
-Don't make me regret it.
-I won't.

214
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,394
And if there's anything that I can do
to make it up to you...

215
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,978
There is.

216
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:31,148
The girl you went gangster on was
our biggest booster's daughter.

217
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,735
Every year, her parents charter us a bus
to get us to semis,

218
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:38,072
but this year they won't do it
until you apologize to their kid.

219
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,907
Apologize?

220
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,576
Shouldn't she for what she did to Beth?

221
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,203
It's up to you.

222
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:48,124
Your teammates won't be thrilled
when they find out they lost their bus.

223
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,418
But you're probably fine.

224
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,128
People always talk about how nice

225
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,046
and humane teenage girls are
to each other.

226
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,261
Anyway, I shouldn't have punched you
in the face,

227
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:03,681
no matter how shitty you were being,
and I am sorry.

228
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,810
Your eye's looking better.
It's almost normal.

229
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,522
Wow. You suck at apologies.

230
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:14,150
Yeah, I know that about myself.
So are we cool?

231
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,736
Look, I know your brother
has major problems.

232
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,865
You must have a lot of anger about that.

233
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,535
You should get a stress ball. [laughs]

234
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:28,747
Look, I know you're only apologizing
to me to get your bus back.

235
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,625
I accept that. Bus is yours.

236
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,169
No number twos in the bathroom.

237
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,628
[laughs]

238
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,088
Oh, and, um...

239
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,299
I heard you're seeing Evan Chapin.

240
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,509
That is so brave.

241
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,053
Most people would be scared to go there.

242
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,513
But not you.

243
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,806
Bye!

244
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,191
I need my lunch money.

245
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,775
God, I hate that skank!

246
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,904
Skank? Do you mean she's promiscuous?

247
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,405
No, she's just annoying.

248
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,866
Why do you make things so literal?
God, you suck!

249
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,953
Find me if you don't have anyone
to eat with.

250
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,038
Okay.

251
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,550
[Zahid] Class is in session.

252
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,302
You want to know how to steal a girl?

253
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,514
Well, get your GPS ready,
because I'm taking you to Poon City.

254
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,599
That's not a real place.

255
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,352
Yes, it is. And I'm the mayor.

256
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,813
Step one, be hella charming.

257
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:39,443
Julia, did you know that,
when Roald Amundsen trekked Antarctica,

258
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,238
he would feed his weaker sled dogs
to the stronger ones

259
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,240
so they could travel more efficiently?

260
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,283
He made them cannibalize each other.

261
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,368
What?

262
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,579
What's your favorite meal?

263
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,208
Step two, find out what sucks
about her current boyfriend.

264
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,418
But be subtle about it.

265
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,505
Julia, what are Miles's 
three biggest weaknesses?

266
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:02,132
Feel free to list more than three,
if you have them.

267
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,136
And step three, the most important thing:

268
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,513
chocolate...

269
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,681
covered...

270
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,140
strawberries.

271
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,977
Makes girls horny as hell,
and that's science.

272
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,020
Science requires empirical evidence.

273
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,983
The evidence is her panties
on the floor of my kitchenette.

274
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,319
That's anecdotal and pseudoscientific.

275
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,363
Just get the damn berries, homey.

276
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:35,666
Hey.

277
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:39,128
Oh, cool shirt. Pharcyde.

278
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,546
I saw those guys in '96.

279
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,840
I was the whitest guy in the audience.

280
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:47,011
You may be the whitest guy everywhere.
I'll get you a drink in five when we open.

281
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,889
I'm not here for a drink.
I'm here to pick up a credit card.

282
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,932
The name is Elsa Gardner.

283
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,896
Look, man, this is gonna sound
like I'm being a dick,

284
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,273
but I can only give it to the cardholder.

285
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,566
It's policy.

286
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:04,737
Can you make an exception for a guy trying
to score points with his wife?

287
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,655
We had a meeting about it last week.

288
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,282
-I really can't.
-Come on, man.

289
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:09,992
Look, I'm gonna call her.

290
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,828
You could talk to her, just to verify.

291
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,079
I understand.

292
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,875
[cell phone buzzing]

293
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,878
[beeps]

294
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,755
Hey, hon. What's going on?

295
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,548
[Doug] Babe, hey, I'm at the bar.

296
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,343
Trying to get your credit card.
Can you talk to this guy?

297
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,764
Just talk to her. She'll tell you.

298
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,432
Hello. It's Nick.

299
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,768
[beeps]

300
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,147
There's no one there.
301
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:41,440
Hello?

302
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,570
-So you won't help me out?
-Sorry. I really can't.

303
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:47,905
[scoffs]

304
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,114
Thanks for everything.

305
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,116
[door opens]

306
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,702
[Casey] Hey.

307
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,996
Do you know why Evan got kicked out
of school?

308
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,166
-[laughs]
-Well, we don't know for sure.

309
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,251
But there are a lot of rumors.

310
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:05,214
I heard he was selling meth to all
the band kids, and that's why they suck.

311
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,009
I heard he had sex with Courtney B's mom,
and Courtney A walked in on them.

312
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,929
I heard he dressed as a wolf for Halloween
and ate a sheep.

313
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:15,683
-That's probably not true.
-I don't know. People eat gross stuff.

314
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,060
It must've been bad
for him to get arrested.

315
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,854
-Arrested?
-Yeah.

316
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,272
You never heard any of this?

317
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,401
-Casey's just a sophomore.
-Yeah. I forget.

318
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,612
Superstar's still just a baby. [chuckles]

319
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,822
Little baby.

320
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,657
♪ When you feel the beat droppin' ♪

321
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,867
♪ When you feel the beat droppin' ♪

322
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:38,080
[Sam] In science, observable evidence
plays a key role in discovery.

323
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,039
Yo, brotha.

324
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,874
[hip hop music plays]

325
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,168
♪ When you feel the beat droppin', move ♪

326
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,173
♪ When you feel the beat droppin', move ♪

327
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,761
♪ When you feel the beat droppin', move ♪

328
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,681
[Sam] But to really understand it,

329
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,224
you have to ask questions.

330
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,517
[laughing]

331
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,395
Excuse me. Bailey?

332
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:05,149
I'm the boy whose sister punched you.

333
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:09,153
I noticed yesterday you were kissing Henry
and today, you're kissing Arlo.

334
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,322
And I was wondering,
how did he woo you?

335
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,575
And, please, be specific.

336
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,660
Dude, what the hell?

337
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:20,873
I'm doing research
on how to steal a woman,

338
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:24,168
and Bailey is the perfect test subject,
because she's a skank.

339
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,961
-Hey!
-[laughing]

340
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:30,007
So you're doing research
on how to steal a woman? Awesome!

341
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,383
Arlo, be nice.

342
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,802
-You tryin' to get laid?
-You gonna tap some ass?

343
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,221
-[laughing]
-I don't think so. What does that do?

344
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,015
No. He means pussy, bro.

345
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,184
I'm not a fan of cats.

346
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,727
[laughing]

347
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,271
I mean, I guess cats are okay.

348
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,356
I'm more into birds than felines

349
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,152
and, especially,
I'll say flightless birds are cool.

350
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,987
What kind of girl you lookin' for?

351
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,031
Or do you wanna
bang a flightless bird?

352
00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:56,116
Of course not.

353
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,244
[stammering]
A human! A fe-- a human female!

354
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,871
That's enough, guys.

355
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,539
[electricity buzzes]

356
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:06,001
[Sam] People think I don't know
when I'm being picked on, but I do.

357
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,630
I just don't always know why, which,

358
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,465
in some ways, is worse.

359
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,509
-[electricity buzzes]
-[students laughing]

360
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,927
No, just read it out.

361
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,012
We'll keep it a secret between us.

362
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,348
Can he handle a girl like Bailey?

363
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,599
[man] You trust me?

364
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:24,061
[Arlo] Tell us who she is.
We'll keep it a secret. Just between us.

365
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,646
-[buzzing]
-Come on.

366
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,815
-It's all good.
-Who's the lucky girl?

367
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,651
-Come on.
-Oh, my-- Guys, leave him alone!

368
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:31,819
He's not all there!

369
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:46,959
[whispering] Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.
Adelie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.

370
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:50,629
-[knock on door]
-Adelie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.

371
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,591
Honey?

372
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,804
-[Doug] Is everything all right?
-No, it's not.

373
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,224
I had to pick him up at school.
There was an incident.

374
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,852
He's been silent. He won't talk to me.

375
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,146
He's locked in his room.
I don't know what's going on.

376
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,481
Everything's gonna be okay.

377
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,400
-[knocking] 
-Sam, can I come in?

378
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,027
Sam, honey, thank God. Are you okay?

379
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,113
I want to talk to Dad.

380
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:18,699
Really?

381
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:19,908
Right.

382
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,494
Sure. Of course, honey.

383
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,248
We've been getting along lately.

384
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,250
It's what you wanted, right?

385
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,835
Yeah. It's great.

386
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,296
It's really good. Really good. Um...

387
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,007
so I should just...

388
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,009
Go to the bar and get your credit card.

389
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:41,680
Okay? And, by the time you get back,
we'll either be better,

390
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,599
or we'll really need your help.

391
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,397
Call if you need me.

392
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,523
Nobody needs you, Mom.

393
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,617
Hey.

394
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,370
Did, um, something happen at school?

395
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,663
Yes.

396
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,541
You wanna talk about it?

397
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,667
Yes.

398
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,045
Okay.

399
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:16,798
Now?

400
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:19,801
I was doing what you said

401
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,012
and formulating a plan to steal a woman.

402
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,223
[stammering]
Those weren't exactly my words.

403
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,099
And I was simply taking notes,

404
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,560
and these guys were laughing at me

405
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,688
and asking questions,
and I don't know what was funny.

406
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,358
[stammering]
But then they kept laughing harder

407
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,109
and then Bailey Bennet...

408
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,864
Well, I am all there. I am!

409
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,699
I know you are.

410
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,286
Some kids are just assholes, Sam.

411
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,497
That's just the way it is.

412
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:52,000
But even the assholes get girlfriends.

413
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,086
It's easy for everybody, but not me.

414
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,504
No, it's not.

415
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,631
Trust me. It's hard for everybody.

416
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,926
Not you. You stole Mom
from the boy with the Jeep.

417
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,096
Look, maybe I made that seem
a little bit too easy.

418
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,682
Even after your mom got rid
of that other goofball,

419
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,560
she shot me down like ten times, okay?

420
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,271
That's just the way it works.

421
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,815
The point is, is you just don't give up.

422
00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,697
So, you think I could get a girl
to like me?

423
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,156
[scoffs]

424
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,199
Of course I do.

425
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:37,129
Then we're gonna need
some chocolate-covered strawberries.

426
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:43,176
[Welshly Arms's "The Touch" plays]

427
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:49,474
Hey, Mr. Free Spirit.

428
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,018
Climb any mountains lately?

429
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,397
Oh. I'm sorry!

430
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,066
I thought you were someone else. Um...

431
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,611
I left my card here the other night.

432
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,612
Elsa Gardner?

433
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:09,911
Gardner. Here you go.

434
00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:13,165
Yep! That's me.

435
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:14,333
Great.

436
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:19,629
Yeah. That's what I came here for, so...

437
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:22,674
Excuse me.

438
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,426
Is Nick here?

439
00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:25,510
Sir?

440
00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,555
-[raises voice] Is Nick here?
-He's around somewhere.

441
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:31,183
♪ You say you've got the touch ♪

442
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:34,102
♪ But I think you talk too much ♪

443
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,688
♪ 'Cause I swear I'll make you blush ♪

444
00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,398
♪ Girl, I won't get flattered ♪

445
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,317
♪ 'Cause it doesn't even matter ♪

446
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,153
♪ You think you know so much, but ♪

447
00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:46,031
♪ I think you're out of touch ♪

448
00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:48,867
♪ I don't wanna be next to you ♪

449
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,912
♪ 'Cause I can't stand
A single thing you do ♪

450
00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,669
[music continues]

451
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,257
Oh.

452
00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:17,479
All right. You're gonna get out of the car
and give that girl those strawberries.

453
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:21,108
Then the ball's in her court.
You've done all you can.

454
00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,239
Go get her, Sam.

455
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:30,117
I am. That's why we're here.

456
00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:45,006
No, no, no, no.

457
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,008
Sam. Sam!

458
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,098
No, no, no, no. Sam! Sam!

459
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,696
-Sam! What are you doing?
-What do you mean?

460
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:09,823
You can't climb through people's windows.

461
00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:12,200
Well, I couldn't ring the doorbell.

462
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,827
Her boyfriend works weird hours,

463
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,955
so she doesn't like people at the door
'cause he may be sleeping.

464
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:18,206
It's one of their rules.

465
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:19,791
I like rules.

466
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,751
They make things clear.

467
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:24,462
Before I do something,
I like to know all the rules.

468
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,465
A boyfriend?
What teenager lives with her boyfriend?

469
00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:30,969
Julia's not a teenager. She's 26 3/4.

470
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:36,266
Julia, your therapist? Sam, let's go.

471
00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,602
Get out. Come on, let's go! Let's go!

472
00:24:40,103 --> 00:24:41,146
[Doug] Come on!

473
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:44,608
[Sam] In the animal kingdom,
attraction is a simple biological fact.

474
00:24:44,691 --> 00:24:45,901
[Doug] We have to go.

475
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,236
[Sam] It's us humans
who make it complicated.

476
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,947
Whoa! This is a nice backyard!

477
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:52,532
You could put a pool back here.

478
00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:54,159
Above-ground pools are cheap.

479
00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:58,622
You could build a deck around it,
make it feel like a in-ground pool and...

480
00:24:58,705 --> 00:24:59,998
[laughs]

481
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:04,836
That's sort of all I've gotta say
about pools.

482
00:25:05,503 --> 00:25:06,504
But...

483
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:09,758
maybe you could talk now?

484
00:25:10,425 --> 00:25:11,426
Okay.

485
00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:14,387
Why did you get kicked out of my school?

486
00:25:15,555 --> 00:25:16,389
What?

487
00:25:16,473 --> 00:25:19,226
I heard you got kicked out,
and everybody has a theory.

488
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:20,143
What did you do?

489
00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:23,563
Did you steal the principal's car?
Were you freebasing in the chem lab?

490
00:25:23,647 --> 00:25:25,690
-No, nothing like that.
-What happened?

491
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:27,859
It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago.

492
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,278
-Well, it matters to me.
-Why?

493
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:33,698
I can't get in trouble and if 
I keep hanging out with you, I will.

494
00:25:34,532 --> 00:25:37,077
-Why can't you just tell me?
-Because it's stupid.

495
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,497
-Okay, just go home.
-Come on, Casey!

496
00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:42,249
I stole a tuba!

497
00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:47,712
What?

498
00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:51,299
I stole a tuba.

499
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:53,802
And a trombone.

500
00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:56,680
And then a couple saxophones.

501
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:01,559
I broke into the band room
one day after school,

502
00:26:01,643 --> 00:26:04,354
and I took some musical instruments.

503
00:26:05,188 --> 00:26:06,898
And then I tried to pawn them.

504
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:10,735
I didn't really have a good reason why.

505
00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:13,905
They left the band room unlocked.
I guess that's the reason.

506
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:15,740
Anyway, never mind.

507
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,743
Ninety minutes later,
cops are at my door.

508
00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:20,620
They put me in cuffs.

509
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:23,665
And since I stole stuff from the school

510
00:26:23,748 --> 00:26:26,376
that I go to, you know, like a genius...

511
00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:28,295
I also got expelled.

512
00:26:29,963 --> 00:26:31,381
So there it is.

513
00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:33,842
That's the full story.
I hope you're happy.

514
00:26:35,343 --> 00:26:38,013
[laughs]

515
00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:41,725
Are you serious?
You stole musical instruments?

516
00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:44,561
-That's what you did?
-Yeah. I told you it was stupid.

517
00:26:44,644 --> 00:26:45,645
[Casey laughs]

518
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:46,771
Why are you laughing?

519
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,440
Because that is hilarious!

520
00:26:48,523 --> 00:26:51,359
Because everyone thinks
you're, like, a total badass.

521
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:54,112
-How did you carry them all?
-I brought my wagon.

522
00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:56,197
God, this just gets better and better.

523
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,700
I can't believe you're laughing
at me right now.

524
00:26:59,659 --> 00:27:02,871
I knew that was a mistake.
I shouldn't have told you. You know what?

525
00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:05,040
I gotta pick up my sister
from the library.

526
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:05,957
I didn't mean--

527
00:27:08,543 --> 00:27:09,377
Evan, wait.

528
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,420
What?

529
00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:28,396
[Evan laughs]

530
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,148
Whoa.

531
00:27:30,231 --> 00:27:31,191
I know.

532
00:27:35,403 --> 00:27:36,780
Well, I should go.

533
00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:41,326
Feels like awkward timing now, but I...

534
00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:42,744
Yeah, you should.

535
00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:44,996
-Yeah, go.
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

536
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:55,131
-[door closes]
-[giggles]

537
00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:05,975
That dart was awfully pointy and sharp.

538
00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:08,770
You think there'd be, like, 
regulations, you know,

539
00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,064
about things like that in a public place.

540
00:28:11,147 --> 00:28:12,649
It's a health hazard, right?

541
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:14,692
Totally agree.

542
00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:16,694
Well, you have inebriated people

543
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,947
throwing weapons across a room.

544
00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:21,366
I mean, it's kinda dangerous, right?

545
00:28:21,449 --> 00:28:22,325
[Nick chuckles]

546
00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:24,119
-Um...
-Yeah?

547
00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:26,371
-I can't really get at the...
-What?

548
00:28:26,454 --> 00:28:27,914
Your shirt's in the way.

549
00:28:28,623 --> 00:28:30,291
Of course. Yeah.

550
00:28:40,927 --> 00:28:41,803
There you go.

551
00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:44,514
Ah!

552
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,474
Okay. Okay.

553
00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:53,732
Put a little Neosporin on it.

554
00:28:58,236 --> 00:29:00,029
Your Neosporin's expired.

555
00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:03,366
This stuff doesn't go bad.

556
00:29:03,450 --> 00:29:04,951
Uh-huh. Right.

557
00:29:05,034 --> 00:29:07,704
They just have so much room
on that tiny, one-inch tube

558
00:29:07,787 --> 00:29:10,874
that they put non-pertinent,
haphazard information.

559
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:13,668
[laughs]

560
00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,379
I've never met anyone like you.

561
00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:17,672
Huh.

562
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:19,758
[laughs]

563
00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:22,135
[opens wrapper]

564
00:29:22,802 --> 00:29:24,596
And you're all set.

565
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:29,100
You can put your shirt back on.

566
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:37,734
You know, we should exchange numbers.

567
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:42,238
Just in case there's side effects
from that expired Neosporin.

568
00:29:43,698 --> 00:29:44,824
[Nick chuckles]

569
00:29:47,410 --> 00:29:51,498
Listen, I really think you need
to let this thing with Julia go.

570
00:29:52,540 --> 00:29:53,625
Why?

571
00:29:54,375 --> 00:29:56,169
First, she's a lot older than you.

572
00:29:56,252 --> 00:30:01,341
Plus, if you tell her how you really feel,
it's gonna be a conflict of interest

573
00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:04,177
and she's not gonna be able
to be your therapist anymore.

574
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,179
But I need her as my therapist.

575
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,639
Well, great.

576
00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:10,266
Then you should start dating someone
your own age.

577
00:30:12,393 --> 00:30:14,979
Like a practice girlfriend
before I date Julia?

578
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:17,398
No. I wouldn't call it that.

579
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:20,693
When Roald Amundsen
first explored Antarctica,

580
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:24,322
he took several practice journeys
over easier terrain.

581
00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:26,491
It's the logical thing to do.

582
00:30:26,574 --> 00:30:29,369
And when I get enough experience
with other girls,

583
00:30:29,452 --> 00:30:32,413
then I can date Julia
and she can stop being my therapist.

584
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:36,376
Or you could find a girl your own age.

585
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:41,422
That's your sweet spot. Plus, those are
the girls that are gonna like you, too.

586
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,386
That's excellent advice. Thank you.

587
00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:50,807
Anytime.

588
00:30:58,314 --> 00:30:59,607
Hey, Dad?

589
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:01,776
Are you gonna tell Mom about Julia?

590
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:03,820
You want me to?

591
00:31:03,903 --> 00:31:04,946
No, thank you.

592
00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:08,283
All right, well, then it's between us.

593
00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:15,790
I'm not trying to brag here,
but I had a really good day with Sam.

594
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,125
You know, he's a good kid.

595
00:31:17,792 --> 00:31:19,544
What happened to your arm?

596
00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:20,920
Oh, nothing.

597
00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:23,423
I just scraped it on a nail in the garage.

598
00:31:23,506 --> 00:31:26,050
You gotta show me where it is
so I can pound it down.

599
00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:28,761
-Did you put something on it?
-Yeah, Neosporin.

600
00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:30,722
It was expired, but...

601
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,390
That stuff doesn't expire.

602
00:31:32,473 --> 00:31:34,475
It just gets less effective
the more it sits around.

603
00:31:42,191 --> 00:31:43,443
What's that for?

604
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:44,944
'Cause I'm such a good dad?

605
00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:46,821
-Yeah, you're Super Dad.
-Yeah?

606
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:49,032
You gonna get me a cape
that says "Super Dad"?

607
00:31:49,115 --> 00:31:51,284
Not now. Get the light.

608
00:31:53,411 --> 00:31:54,329
[Elsa]
Mm.

609
00:31:56,581 --> 00:32:00,668
[Sam] Human behavior is less like
a chicken and more like an albatross.

610
00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:04,589
No matter how far an albatross flies,
it always returns home.

611
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:09,177
Unless it flies too close to the water
and gets eaten by a tiger shark.

612
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,428
[buzzes]

613
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:23,399
[The Pharcyde's
"Passin' Me By" plays]

614
00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:37,413
♪ Now in my younger days ♪

615
00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:39,540
♪ I used to sport a sha-a-a-a-a-g ♪

616
00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:41,918
♪ When I went to school,
I carried lunches in a ba-a-g ♪

617
00:32:42,001 --> 00:32:44,420
♪ With a apple for my teacher
'Cause I knew I'd get a kiss ♪

618
00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:45,630
♪ Always got ma-a-d ♪

619
00:32:45,713 --> 00:32:47,340
♪ When the class was dismissed ♪

620
00:32:47,423 --> 00:32:48,800
♪ But when it was in session ♪

621
00:32:48,883 --> 00:32:50,301
♪ I always had a question ♪

622
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,679
♪ I would raise my hand
To make her stagger to my desk ♪

623
00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:55,348
♪ And help me with my problem
It was never much ♪

624
00:32:55,431 --> 00:32:58,309
♪ Just a trick to smell her scent
And try to sneak a touch ♪

625
00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,728
♪ Ohhh, how I wish
I could hold her hand ♪

626
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:04,023
♪ And give her a hug
She was married to the man, a thug ♪

627
00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:05,608
♪ His name was Lee, he drove a Z ♪

628
00:33:05,692 --> 00:33:08,820
♪ He'd pick her up from school
Promptly at three o'clock ♪

629
00:33:08,903 --> 00:33:10,989
♪ I was on her jock
Yes, indeedy ♪

630
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:12,740
♪ I wrote graffiti on the bus ♪

631
00:33:12,824 --> 00:33:13,992
♪ First, I'd write her name ♪

632
00:33:14,075 --> 00:33:16,494
♪ Then carve a plus
With my name la-a-st ♪

633
00:33:16,577 --> 00:33:18,830
♪ On the looking glass
I seen her yesterday ♪

634
00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:20,915
♪ But, still, I had to let her pass ♪
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost for your entertainment, convenience, and study.  This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.

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Atypical stars Jennifer Jason Leigh; Keir Gilchrist; Brigette Lundy-Paine; Michael Rapaport; Amy Okuda, Nik Dodani; Jenna Boyd; Raúl Castillo; Nina Ameri; Fivel Stewart; Ariela Barer; Graham Phillips; Michelle Farrah Huang; Rachel Redleaf; Christina Offley; Angel Laketa Moore; Wendy Braun; Kevin Daniels; Casey Wilson, and more!

About the Author

I used to be the guy who did that thing on the show you never heard of. Now I'm Head Nincompoop here, writing about binge-watching.

Website: https://8flix.com

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