Everything-Sucks-Scripts-Ep5

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Everything Sucks! (2018)

 episode script

season 1 - episode 5
"What the Hell's a Zarginda?"

Created by

Ben York Jones & Michael Mohan

Written by

Ben York Jones
Michael Mohan
Haley Tyler

Everything Sucks Logo

S01-Ep.05: "What the Hell's a Zarginda?"

Luke tries to help Kate work through her feelings. Oliver and Luke hold film auditions. Emaline takes Kate shopping. Ken invites Luke over for dinner.

TRANSCRIPTION

1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,263
[Luke] Are you sure this
doesn't do anything for you?

2
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,640
Oh, my God, I am so turned on.

3
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,478
[sighs] I don't know.
There's got to be something in here.

4
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,856
The human ear.

5
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,065
This is stupid.

6
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,235
This is necessary.
You said you were a lesbian.

7
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,445
Shh!

8
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:31,656
Jesus, keep it down.
What are you trying to do, ruin me?

9
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,993
Of course I'm not.
There's nobody even here, by the way.

10
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:38,705
Is-- no.
I'm trying to help you figure this out.

11
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,000
When I said I was...

12
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,502
I think I might be a...

13
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,212
hmm-hmm-hmm.

14
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,214
Okay.

15
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,758
And why do think that?

16
00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:53,094
I don't know. It's complicated.

17
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:57,932
And honestly, no offense, but I don't see
how you could possibly help me with this.

18
00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,476
Sure, I could.

19
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:01,019
Do you date girls?

20
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,771
No, I don't date anyone.

21
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,939
You're the first person I've even kissed.

22
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,275
Cool.

23
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,029
-So, am I a girl?
-This is really stupid.

24
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,155
No, it isn't.

25
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:16,034
Mmms kiss other mmm-hmm-hmms.
And since I am not a mmm-hmm-hmm--

26
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,285
What is your point?

27
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,496
Did you hate it...

28
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,581
when we kissed?

29
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,876
No, I didn't hate it.

30
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:26,961
It was nice.

31
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,087
Mm.

32
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:32,592
See? We're making progress already.

33
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,512
Let's check out this one.

34
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:39,057
Human sexuality, the answers.

35
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,685
Oh, there's a test in here.

36
00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:48,316
All right, you have to promise
to be totally honest, or it won't work.

37
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,110
Okay.

38
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,154
"Question one:
Have you fantasized about sexual conduct

39
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,781
with a member of the same sex?"

40
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:57,784
Yes.

41
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,331
"Question two:
Have you fantasized about sexual conduct

42
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,333
with a member of the opposite sex?"

43
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,253
Don't think, just answer.

44
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:12,048
I mean, I guess so.

45
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,467
Subject responds in the affirmative. Okay.

46
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:18,721
"Question three: Would you be happy dying
without having experimented sexually

47
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,683
-with both men"--
-Wait, dying? Of what?

48
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,813
I don't know. Doesn't say.
We can skip that one.

49
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,774
"Question four:
Are you aroused by pornography

50
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,693
featuring members of the same sex?"

51
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,945
How should I know?
I've never watched a porno.

52
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,738
Really? Not even Cinemax?

53
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,031
We don't have cable.

54
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,033
Wow, that sucks.

55
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,911
"Question five: True or false.

56
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,872
The gender composition of any orgy

57
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:47,500
is the most important factor
in my decision to participate."

58
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,213
-I wouldn't participate.
-True or false.

59
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,050
False?

60
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,554
Scoring guide, let's see.

61
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:00,805
What's it say?

62
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:06,019
Well, you are "homosexual
with heterosexual tendencies."

63
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,021
"Heterosexual tendencies."

64
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,189
That's me.

65
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,275
I'm your heterosexual tendency.

66
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:16,404
No. That can't be right.
I didn't even answer two of the questions.

67
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:17,655
See for yourself.

68
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,618
Either way,
you're probably better off with me.

69
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,660
What's that supposed to mean?

70
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,456
Well, you don't want people
thinking you're a mmm-hmm-hmm..

71
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,916
If you're with me, they won't.

72
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:31,419
It's not like I'm gonna fall
in love with you or anything.

73
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,463
Even if I did, I'd give you a signal.

74
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,381
What, like a code word?

75
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,009
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like, uh...

76
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,889
...banana slug.

77
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,558
Banana slug?

78
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,769
If I find myself falling in love with you,

79
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:51,898
I'll yell "banana slug,"
and you can head for the hills.

80
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:56,653
But don't worry,
everything's gonna work out great.

81
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:06,371
The deadline for entry into
this year's Science Fair is on Thursday.

82
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:07,872
Personally, I intend to prove

83
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,292
that the Big Bang
is much more than just a theory.

84
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,004
Reminder: auditions
for Boring High School's first ever movie,

85
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,632
a sci-fi love story directed
by Luke O'Neil,

86
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:20,635
will be held today after school
in the A/V room.

87
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,763
Be sure to bring a monologue
and break a leg, Earthlings.

88
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,598
-Hey, Jessica Betts.
-What?

89
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,225
Are you auditioning for the movie?

90
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,019
-Yes.
-Then so shall I.

91
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,896
[bell rings]

92
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,817
-You really don't have to carry my bag.
-No, really it's fine. I like it.

93
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:36,859
[chuckles]

94
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,364
[sighs] Yoko.

95
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,618
Oh, let me get that.

96
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,203
Luke, you really don't have--

97
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,957
-This is silly. It's a boyfriend's duty.
-[scoffs]

98
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,710
-Can I walk you to class?
-It's across the hall.

99
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,629
Oh, nice. Convenient. [chuckles]

100
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,175
Luke, you don't have to do this, you know.

101
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,510
No, but I want to.

102
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,595
I-- Don't you?

103
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,639
Hey, you two.

104
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,018
-How's the cutest couple at Boring High?
-Dad.

105
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,854
-Great, thanks for asking.
-Hey, I was just thinking--

106
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:16,607
-We should probably get to class.
-Well, this is important, actually.

107
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:22,155
I was thinking, I'd like to get to know
Kate's first boyfriend a little better.

108
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,324
Luke, how about dinner Friday night?

109
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,742
I'd love to.

110
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:29,370
-That'd be great. My mom's out of town.
-I know.

111
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:34,625
[laughs] I mean, I don't know.
How would I know that?

112
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:38,129
So Friday it is. Shall we say seven?

113
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,715
Let's. Three, two, one...

114
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,300
-Seven!
-[both laugh]

115
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,676
[both sigh]

116
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:44,844
[Luke] Yeah.

117
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,429
♪ Nah, na na na nah ♪

118
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,806
♪ Na na na nah, na na nah, na na nah ♪

119
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,224
♪ Na na na nah ♪

120
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,189
♪ Nah, na na na nah ♪

121
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,191
♪ Na na na nah, na na nah, na na nah ♪

122
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,693
♪ Nah, na na na nah ♪

123
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,990
All right, I think we're ready.

124
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,784
Let's bring them in, McQuaid.

125
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,035
Oh.

126
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,538
♪ Murderer, still love you like that ♪

127
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,791
Um, what are you doing?

128
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,419
I don't audition.
Neither does Emaline. [sniffs]

129
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:21,422
How am I supposed to cast you
if you don't audition?

130
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,634
-Which part has the most lines?
-Blorg and Zarginda.

131
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,011
Great, bring 'em in, McQuaid.

132
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,722
♪ Still love you like that, murderer ♪

133
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,017
Take me back up the hill to my grave.

134
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,685
Goodbye, world!

135
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,521
You want the truth?

136
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,107
You can't handle the truth!

137
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,233
[groans]

138
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,111
Ezekiel 25:17...

139
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:47,073
The path of the righteous man is beset
on all sides

140
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,950
by the inequities of the selfish.

141
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:54,413
Friends, Romans, countrymen,
lend me your ears.

142
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,790
♪ Nah, na na na nah ♪

143
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,625
♪ Na na na nah, na na nah, na na nah ♪

144
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:02,046
Many years from now,
would you, Bill, be willing to trade

145
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,842
all the days from this day
to that for one chance?

146
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,510
One chance.

147
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,263
And I will strike down upon thee--

148
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:13,724
Goodbye, Grover's Corners
and Mama and Papa.

149
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,226
Did I order the code red?

150
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,937
With great vengeance and furious anger.

151
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,939
You're goddamn right I did!

152
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,984
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

153
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,070
And you will know my name is the Lord!

154
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:30,324
Do any human beings
truly realize life while they live it?

155
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,034
They may take our lives.

156
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,663
-They will never take our freedom!
-Next.

157
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:42,128
All right, Tyler Bowen in the house!
What you got for us, man?

158
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,174
Well, well,
I don't have a scene, exactly.

159
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,050
Um, but I memorized a commercial.

160
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,637
[stammers] I'm not the best reader,
as you know.

161
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,475
Sorry, Tyler,
it's just we kinda need to see a scene.

162
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,809
Says who?

163
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,521
Go on, Ace, wow us.

164
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:09,864
Do you suffer from eczema,
psoriasis or just itchy-flaky skin?

165
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:13,659
Then stop what you're doing
and listen to this!

166
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,162
Make your scaly epidermis a thing
of the past

167
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:20,249
with the new FDA-approved
Immaculate-Max skin cream.

168
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:24,962
Say goodbye to long sleeves
and hello, sunshine. [clicks tongue]

169
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,882
In all my years as a skin care specialist,

170
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,301
I've never been impressed
by a product this cheap.

171
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,804
It's a miracle cream.

172
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,516
It's an honest-to-God miracle cream.

173
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,610
[bell rings]

174
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:51,864
[sighs]

175
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,135
[phone rings]

176
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,930
-[clicks]
-[Sherry] Hello, you've reached Sherry...

177
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,014
...and Luke.

178
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:20,476
We're not available at the moment.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.

179
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,979
-Right?
-[Luke] Right. If we feel like it.

180
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,356
Which we will. Unless you're a weirdo.

181
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,817
[both] Have a great day!

182
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,110
[answering machine beeps]

183
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,785
-[phone rings]
-[machine beeps]

184
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,579
Hello, you've reached Sherry...

185
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:40,621
...and Luke.

186
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:44,083
We're not available at the moment.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.

187
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,793
[chattering]

188
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,759
[chuckles] I'm Alien Number Two.

189
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,928
I'm Alien Number Two.

190
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,973
Excuse me, sorry, my turn.

191
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:03,519
-What the hell's a "Zarginda"?
-Zarginda-- "ginda."

192
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,063
-It's a good part. The female lead.
-Oh, yeah?

193
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,231
Mm-hmm.

194
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,482
What's she wear?

195
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,818
Kate my girlfriend is actually in charge
of the costumes.

196
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,195
Miss baggy jeans and T-shirt? [scoffs]

197
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,239
No, no, I don't think so.

198
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,998
Your boyfriend says you're doing costumes
for the movie,

199
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,709
and honestly,
I don't know how I feel about that.

200
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,710
I am?

201
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,964
I mean, yeah, I am.

202
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,509
Yep, um, we haven't really
discussed the details yet.

203
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,137
I'm not letting you
dress me like a dork, okay?

204
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,933
Um, yeah, o-okay. Got it.

205
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,312
What are you doing right now?

206
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:54,403
Maybe the aliens can go to a disco night,
and I wear this.

207
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,991
We should probably wait
to see what the script says.

208
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,786
I'm trying it on.

209
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:08,292
So, now that you have a boyfriend,

210
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,170
I'm assuming a new wardrobe is
on the agenda?

211
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,005
Why?

212
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:19,345
Think of it this way, last week
you were just Principal Messner's kid.

213
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,638
Completely undateable.

214
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,974
Now that you're with Luke,
I bet all the guys are like,

215
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,060
"Maybe I could hit that.

216
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:28,062
Maybe I should."

217
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,869
Are you coming in?

218
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,337
Um, so, how should I dress, then?

219
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:58,509
Your appearance tells the world
who you are and what you want.

220
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,846
Speaking for myself, the goal is boners.

221
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:03,472
Gross.

222
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:07,268
If I can make a guy hard just
by looking at me, I win.

223
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,686
That's power.

224
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:14,775
Well, maybe I don't need guys
getting boners about me just to be happy.

225
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:19,613
Ugh, I hate having big boobs.
Everything just falls off of me.

226
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:21,782
[sighs]

227
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:29,540
Here, try it on.
You have no tits, it'll look great on you.

228
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,333
Gee, thanks.

229
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,544
No, I meant that as a compliment.

230
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:36,380
You're so skinny and tall. I hate it.
[chuckles]

231
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,343
Come on.

232
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,428
[chuckles]

233
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,847
[Emaline giggles]

234
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,564
Here.

235
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,153
[Emaline] Hmm.

236
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,197
[exhales]

237
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,241
Something's missing.

238
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:06,952
I got it.

239
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,674
See? You look hot.

240
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,385
-No, I don't.
-Yes, you do.

241
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,970
I'd bone ya.

242
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,848
[laughs]

243
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,319
[Leroy] Either way, people are weird.

244
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:44,865
The key is finding the weird that goes
with your weird.

245
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,201
The cheese for your cherry.

246
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,329
Like when I took Sherry
to Blazing Saddles.

247
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:53,791
Now that movie is not for everybody.
When Mongo punched the horse,

248
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:58,504
Sherry baby laughed so hard,
soda came out of her nose onto the floor.

249
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,757
-I lost four bucks worth of concessions.
-[laughs]

250
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,386
Some people,
they might say that's a bad date,

251
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:06,804
but for me...

252
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,099
it doesn't get any better.

253
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,228
What do I call you, huh?

254
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,064
Principal Messner.

255
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,941
Mr. Messner.

256
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,195
Ken Messner. Principal Messner.
Mr. Messner. Dad.

257
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,449
-Hey, Mr. Messner.
-Luke. Come on in, pal.

258
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,077
Thank you. I'm still trying to decide

259
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,497
if I want to go to film school
in New York or Los Angeles.

260
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,750
That might be dictated
by wherever Kate decides to go.

261
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,169
It'd be nice if we were in the same area,

262
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,882
but, hey, if anybody's gonna survive
a long distance relationship,

263
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:47,970
I'd put my money on me and Kate,
'cause she's the cheese for my cherry.

264
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,639
I'm sorry, the what?

265
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,765
[door closes]

266
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,858
Wow.

267
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,450
-What?
-What a lovely dress.

268
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,910
You look amazing.

269
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,787
Okay, Dad, you can stop staring now.

270
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:14,872
-Sorry.
-Uh, yeah.

271
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,249
-All right. Thank you.
-[Luke] I don't know what I was doing.

272
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,250
I wasn't staring.

273
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,837
I hope you don't mind.

274
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,089
I'm not much of a chef,
as Kate will tell you.

275
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,009
No, it's no problem.
I love Chinese food.

276
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,472
So, Luke.

277
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,975
-How's your mom?
-Good.

278
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,811
She's coming back from Frankfurt
or something like that tomorrow.

279
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,022
-Frankfurt.
-Yeah.

280
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,815
Good. Gut. [laughs]

281
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,859
[Luke chuckles]

282
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:49,073
You know, s-speaking of your mom,

283
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:52,409
when I met her, I got the impression
you two were very close.

284
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,204
Yeah. We kinda have to be.
It's like a team.

285
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,665
Well, we understand that. Right, sweetie?

286
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,833
Sorry. The dress, it's itchy.

287
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,588
So, is there ever a third [clears throat]
member of this team?

288
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,674
Someone, anyone? [chuckles]

289
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,009
-Nah.
-Nah?

290
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,010
[chuckles]

291
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,429
What's "nah"? Naugahyde? [chuckles]

292
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,514
I'm just joking.

293
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:18,268
[clears throat]
So, no man in her life at all?

294
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,270
Dad, you're being weird.

295
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,897
-No, I'm not.
-[Luke] No, it's okay.

296
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,524
Guys love my mom.

297
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,359
-They do?
-Yeah.

298
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,486
-What kind of guys?
-Dad.

299
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:29,571
Pass the moo shu.

300
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,617
[inhales, clears throat ] Okay.

301
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:35,911
I'd like to make a toast.

302
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:42,584
To my girlfriend Kate
and her generous father Mr. Messner.

303
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:47,464
Here's to what I hope is many more
Chinese takeout dinners.

304
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:48,716
Cheers.

305
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,469
You know what, Kate?

306
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,514
-I think your guy's pretty cool.
-[laughs]

307
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,099
I'm about to embarrass you.

308
00:16:57,182 --> 00:17:02,062
After Kate quit band,
there was a dark period.

309
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,899
You know, but I think
a little boy-girl compassion

310
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:11,947
and companionship is a very good thing
for you at this stage of your lives.

311
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:16,326
As human beings, we crave companionship,

312
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,828
and uh...

313
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:22,791
You were in band?

314
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,586
-Briefly.
-She's being modest.

315
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,504
-Can you play something?
-No.

316
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:28,589
Please?

317
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,259
-What don't you understand about no?
-Come on, pretty please.

318
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,054
The piano's probably out of tune.
It won't sound good.

319
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,847
-I don't mind.
-Why don't you?

320
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,390
I mean, it's just us.

321
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,558
Just us.

322
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:49,818
[sighs] You guys are annoying,
but one song and then never again.

323
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,570
Okay.

324
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,991
You gonna play your mom's song?

325
00:17:59,036 --> 00:17:59,953
Is that okay?

326
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:09,713
And no laughing.

327
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:35,405
♪ She packed my bags last night
Pre-flight ♪

328
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:39,993
♪ Zero hour ♪

329
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,663
♪ Nine a.m. ♪

330
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:51,713
♪ And I'm gonna be high ♪

331
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,134
♪ As a kite by then ♪

332
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,890
♪ I miss the Earth so much ♪

333
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,560
♪ I miss my wife ♪

334
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:12,943
♪ It's lonely out in space ♪

335
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:20,909
♪ On such a timeless flight ♪

336
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:36,758
♪ And I think it's gonna be
A long, long time ♪

337
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,511
Hello. You've reached Sherry and Luke.

338
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,472
We're not available,
leave a message and we'll call right--

339
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:43,432
Hello.

340
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,227
Hello?

341
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,605
Hi. Hello.

342
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,358
I didn't think--
I thought you were in Frankfurt.

343
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,152
Sorry, but, who is this?

344
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,614
[stammers] It's Ken.
I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be home.

345
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,199
Ken! Hey!

346
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,284
I am, I'm home.

347
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,911
[laughs] I got an early flight.

348
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:04,995
Great.

349
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:07,831
Luke's over having dinner
in case you were worried.

350
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,124
Oh, great.

351
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,794
Um... [laughs]

352
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,424
I'm sorry, if Luke's over there
and you thought I wasn't home,

353
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,176
why are you calling?

354
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:22,804
[chuckles] You know, I had the best time
with you the other night.

355
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,514
That was really fun.

356
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:28,393
And, uh, I sh--
I should have said this then.

357
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,520
I like you, Sherry.

358
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,315
And I'd really like to see you again.

359
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,025
Very soon.

360
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,528
When were you thinking?

361
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,989
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪

362
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,243
♪ I'm a Rocket Man ♪

363
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:52,167
♪ Rocket Man
Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪

364
00:20:55,754 --> 00:21:00,634
♪ And I think it's gonna be
A long, long time ♪

365
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:08,725
♪ And I think it's gonna be
A long, long time ♪

366
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:17,109
♪ And I think it's gonna be
A long, long time ♪

367
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,571
Banana slug.
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost for your entertainment, convenience, and study.  This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.

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